happy new year, i guess

i’m sick. very sore throat, ears involved, lethargic, exhausted, wish i could be home in my own bed with Daisy curled up beside me. zero appetite, it’s new year’s day i have to have blackeyed peas and rice and cornbread, and iced tea. that’s been my january 1st meal every year since i can remember. even when i lived in colorado and especially when i lived in new hampshire. i am a born and bred southern girl. yep, IF i ever have a man in my life it’s gonna be a southern redneck guy. BUT, there won’t be a man in my life unless raymond comes back. i’m actually rather pleased to be living alone. i’m in control of the temperature, i’m in control of the remote, i’m in control if i cook, i buy groceries that i like, i come and go as i please answering to no one. i can go to the bathroom and leave the door wide open, the decorating is mine. i’m also in control of the heater in the car! yep, i’ve gotten rather selfish in the 10+ years since raymond died. however, if he came back, i’d welcome him with open arms.

talked with Blake for about 90 minutes sunday night. he was driving home from andy’s house. i think he’s gonna be okay. he stopped at a museum to see a girl he met when he attended st anselm college a few years ago. she’s more his age and has a better grasp on how the world works. they have a date in a couple of weeks. she works there and has her own place so, she’s much more independent than shelby. i think that’s what he needs. he got tired of shelby not telling him the truth and playing some sort of game with him. he’s like me, he hates being lied to. but, she’s only 18 and doesn’t know how to be an adult yet. this young woman, anna, the one he has a date with, is older and hopefully doesn’t play games. Blake will be fine, he just needs time.

ann and i are going to heather’s tomorrow so she can be with the kids while their parents work. i’m taking the laptop and all i need to work there tomorrow. if it’s like last year i’ll be swamped with expired listings and for sale by owner listing. i’ll be working all day. don’t have enough stamps to stamp the postcards, i’ll just put stamps on the letters and stamp the postcards when we get back and i get more stamps.

i just want to be home. i am NOT coming here next christmas and if i have to tell louise that every day between now and when they leave for here at christmas, i will. i am staying home next year and will not feel bad if i’m alone for christmas. in fact, i may enjoy having christmas alone with Daisy and Baxter. no, i will enjoy having christmas with the dogs. i wish people could understand i enjoy being alone!!!

now, i’ve got a headache on top of everything else that is wrong with me today. i just want to be home. i just sneezed and it hurt my ears and my throat and just made everything feel even worse. i know, i’m a baby when i’m sick. but, all i want to do is be home in my bed with the remote, Daisy, the electric blanket on 2, something cold to drink, the room dark except for the tv.

we have to go to publix to get a couple things before we head to brentwood, tn to get the honey baked ham for dinner today. ham, rice, cornbread, blackeyed peas cooked with hog jowls and sweet tea. mother would be proud. penny texted last night and told me she’s freezing blackeyed peas and rice in louise’s freezer for us to have when we get back. i guess she doesn’t realize that we are having the same here. not gonna tell her and possibly hurting her feelings. louise told me i need to take the mini lasagna home with me when i go after pat gets me to their house.

i’m gonna go thru that closet in the other bedroom this weekend. i have 3 huge suitcases and one that fits in one of the big ones. 2 of those suitcases are gonna go away. i have no need for them anymore, i’m gonna buy some of those plastic totes to put things in that are now in those suitcases. that will make a lot of room in that closet when they are gone. not sure what i’m gonna do with them. oh, i know, i can take them to the thrift store where i took the old microwave. just drop them off and never think about them again. that will be a load off my mind. i’ll still have a large suitcase and a smaller one. i also have a good-sized duffle bag that i can use if i need it. there, i have a plan for this weekend. zero plans to travel in 2019!

when we get home, i’ll head over to the grocery store and get some things that Daisy and i will need when we get home. i do have an almost empty fridge. the freezer is full but, not the fridge. i need creamer for my coffee. i need a roasted chicken for both of us. next monday i’ll get louise to write me a check for the past two weeks. i’ll head to the bank, the post office, and the grocery store then, too.

5:50pm
just found out that Blake has a date with another girl in a week or so. he’s getting over shelby. i knew he would, he just had to think about it rationally and logically. he’ll be okay. he’s doing fine. shelby was just too young. 3 years doesn’t seem like much when you’re 26 and 23 but, at 18 and 21, it’s just too much of an age difference. she has a lot of growing up to do. she’ll be a fine girlfriend one day but, not for Blake. Blake needs a young woman closer to his age, not a girl. i’ve taken down the photos of the 2 of them and put them away. i’m not writing to her anymore. told Blake i just couldn’t do that. he said he understood.

i’ll be taking my work laptop and paperwork to heather’s tomorrow morning and will be working all day. ann is taking the kids somewhere to get them out of the house. i’ll just leave the paperwork and laptop there cause i won’t be able to work any thursday morning cause we’ll be heading home. i also have a couple bags of things that we can take and leave at heather’s to put in pat’s car.

i’m tired and i’ve done nothing today. i just want to be home. i have a bottle of wine there just waiting for me. and that’s what i’m doing thursday when i get home. i’m gonna go to the grocery store and then get Daisy and then, we’re headed home. i’m gonna rest and relax and watch some tv snuggled up on the bed with Daisy. life will begin to get back to normal once i get home thursday.

and now i leave you with this:

take care,

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