Are you sure it’s not all men?

After breaking up with T and before dating DB, I went out on a date with this guy. I will call him 49er.

I met him through Craigslist. I know, how brave.  I was looking for someone fun to go out with and fool around with but NOT wanting a relationship. I knew I was no where near ready for that boat. I didn’t want a public profile so I created a throw away email and posted an ad looking for a FWB situation.

So this guy replies and because of who I am, it doesn’t take me long to realize that he is a guy that has been posting nudes in the casual encounters AND seeking a long term relationship in the MFW category. Each profile is tailored for category. In one it says he is out of a long term relationship and looking for something casual to see where it goes, yada yada yada. In the other it says he doesn’t have time for a relationship and is looking for someone to fool around with. Meh. I figure like many men, he is willing to take whatever comes his way.

So he starts writing me and I agree to go to coffee with this guy. He has kind of a Kevin James look to him, not especially attractive. I can tell right away however that we didn’t have a lot in common. He talked about sports, was a bit cocky, was from New York and had the kind of “I am from New York” attitude.

None the less, I was out of a 7 year relationship that I jumped into after a 10 year relationship, and hadn’t done this dating things since I was a teenager. I had not ever NOT had sex when I wanted. So Here I am 5 months out of a relationship and sad and horny and sad that I am horny and using my sexual desires to mask my still intense heart break.

He asks if I wanted to get out of there. Yes, yes I did.

We drive to a local park. It is Winter and the parking lot is mostly empty. We walked around for awhile and then returned to his car where we made out. Eventually I was topless and giving him head in his car. He had admitted that semi public/almost getting caught was a turn on him. It’s not really my thing but we aside from a few dog walkers that passed by from a distance, the place was empty enough.

After we are dressed and were in his car talking he asks me if I had met other men and fooled around with them before. I played it off and said something like “Isn’t this the new first base?”.

Now. As I already explained, I was just out of a long term relationship that started right after another long term relationship. I had only slept with two men in the last 17ish years. This was the first time I had done anything like this… ever…. But it was none of his business. He met me on Craigslist where I was clear that I was looking for someone without strings attached. After knowing me about 3 hours and fooling around in his car, he wants to know who else I am seeing??? I think not. Could you imagine if a guy met a girl where they both agreed it was NSA and afterwards she was grilling him about who else he was seeing?

He dropped it after awhile and told me that he really wanted to get together again. When I got home, I wrote him that I would like to see him again but what I did in my personal time was my business. He ghosted me. Whatever, no loss. I was a bit disappointed because he was very well endowed and although my best lover had the smallest penis… I was a bit curious. I had a high school boyfriend that was similarly endowed but being that we were young, neither of us knew what to do with it really.

So any way, I started hanging out with DB shortly after that and never really thought much about it except that I would sometimes see his ad on Craigslist still.


Fast forward to last week. My son has a back to school night and we are in line to meet his teacher and who happens to get in line behind us? 49er with a woman and kids.

My thoughts as I observe him in line;

Maybe he has started dating someone with kids. Except the daughter calls him Daddy.

Okay, he is here with his kid and ex wife. She is holding his hand and is clearly wearing a wedding ring.

His kid and his wife/step mom? He tells his daughter, “I don’t know, go ask Mommy”.

(All these thought happened in a few seconds)

Now Math. Daughter is about the same age as my son (11 or 12). We went on a date about 4 year ago. I guess it is possible that daddy and mommy were separated for some time but he told me he was never married and had no kids. (And I even get that with NSA meeting he may lie about details for anonymity sake but it still seems shady).

I don’t know if he recognized me. I was wearing typical “pregnant woman who has to go to an event at school clothing” (hair in a messy bun, no make up, t shirt and jeans, 6 month preggo belly attached) and not “date night” clothing. I attempted to avoid him but our kids had a lot of the same teachers.

His wife was beautiful. Long auburn hair, her hair, make up and clothing all screamed high maintenance. He is probably 6’2″ and his wife, with no heels, was nearly his height. She was thin with long legs and a sort of Victoria from spice girls face.

Here he has this beautiful woman and he could pass for Kevin James’s brother. (She was way out of his league.) And getting head from randoms at the park.

It just goes to show, one man’s trash is another man’s mistress. 🙄

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August 28, 2018

I just read through all of your entries. So, I’m aware of your situation, with Douche Bag, and your history of dating.

When I read this entry I thought “Wow”…. he could have at least been honest about being married with kids. This would have given you the opportunity to make a decision regarding whether you wanted to sleep with a man, who was married, or not.

The thing that sucks is that when a woman hears that her boyfriend, fiance, or husband is cheating, typically she blames the other woman. Sometimes the other woman has no idea that she slept with a man, who was already spoken for.

August 28, 2018


Thanks for your note!

I don’t blame DBs women. Maybe the one that was friends with my neice a little because  she knew he was in a relationship but she wasn’t the one who made a commitment.

As for 49er… ugh. Maybe in my twenties seeing a married man may have been appealing (being someones fantasy can be exciting) but at this point in my life, I would not willingly be the woman interfering in another relationship. Especially when kids are involved.

I agree that many times the “other woman” or man doesnt know or were lied to about the the original relationship.