The girl next to me part 3

I’m completely confused right now, and I don’t know what to say. When you’re lying, you usually feel bad, right? Because I’m feeling really bad.

I like this girl a lot, a girl next to me, and I think I’ve been pretending that these feelings will just disappear in a few days, but it’s not. I’ll suddenly think about her and start laughing to myself, which is kind of silly. Honestly, I understand everything in class, but sometimes I want to pretend I don’t, so I can ask her to explain it again.  I like her voice. I like the way she tries to explain things to me, even though we don’t speak the same language and it’s really hard for her. I also like when she’s really tired and keeps yawning, it’s so cute, even though I tell her she has to stop but truly inside me, it’s really cute though. We had a little trip to Teso Life and bought some blind boxes, it was the best day. She was in my car, and we talked and gossiped about everything. I know I’m treating her like a friend right now because I feel comfortable and at ease with everything she’s doing.

The day before our trip to Teso Life, we had a bit of a drama, or I don’t know if you can even call it that. But I think it was really stupid, and after that, she moved to another seat. Did I feel sad? Yes, of course! But I understand why she did it. She didn’t want me or that other friend to feel awkward on it, though I know she felt awkward. And even now, I still feel very guilty, maybe because I’m the one who overthinks things. Even though everything has passed, I still feel like I caused the conflict. I also feel bad for that other friend. I’m not mad at them. I feel like i made a mess of everything. I used to like her, but now… I don’t know, I’m scared of her.

I cherish all the moments we spent together, and thank goodness nothing bad happened. She’s straight, completely straight. And I think I need to keep these feelings to myself until she finds out or until one day, if she finds out, and we can’t be friends anymore.