So, I went down a small rabbit hole just a little bit ago. There’s someone that pops up in my head every now and again. I don’t remember exactly what brought it on this time. Maybe it’s this site. Maybe it’s being back in this (physical) place. I think the last time I was here was the time she first started commenting on my diary when I would write an entry. There’s a disconcerting nostalgia about being back in a place you’ve been before. It’s not like taking a holiday to a place you’ve already been, but it’s almost like moving back home and expecting nothing to have changed, but it has. For good or bad, the change is there and you just want to find something familiar to latch onto so you can set your mind at ease but it just isn’t there.
We lost contact a few years ago. I think I drove her away from staying in touch because I was always so negative. It was during my first year in Hawaii and I just didn’t like it there. I was unhappy about quite a few things but it would always be the topic of our conversations and she probably got sick of it. Or, just started dating someone and decided to cut me out of her life. We never met, but it was nice to talk to her. We’d speak through texts, occasional Skype phone call or calling on WhatsApp. I think we both liked the idea of…something, each other I guess, but we both probably knew it would never materialize. I was going from Diego Garcia (then) to England, to Hawaii, back to Korea, back at Diego Garcia (now). She was focusing on her upcoming career as a doctor. C’est La vie. I just want to know how she is doing. What she’s up to. I just found the entry where she commented the first time. There’s no link for a username so it has obviously long since vanished and she hasn’t returned to the same name. Though I do think she changed or started a new one at some point. Oh well. I’m sure I could be doing something better with my time than looking back through old entries having “St. Patrick’s Day” or the “Untitled” song on Room For Squares by John Mayer on repeat while writing this.
Plus, it’s after 10pm right now and there’s work tomorrow!
I hope you’re well. I know I could be better. But maybe we’ll dive more into that later.