A Drive By Entry…

 I decided to leave a little later for work this AM because I have
to stop at the bank on the way to work and it doesn’t open until
9am.  In my usual swift way, I set up a payment to my credit card
from the wrong checking account so now I have to go and deposit a check
from one checking account to the other to make sure it’s covered…
duh.  Our stupid car wouldn’t start and repairs cost $600. 
Thank God we had the money  in one account, but the place doesn’t
take checks so I had to charge it and I wanted to pay it right away
because we’re the kind who’ll spend the money and still have the
charge… you know how it is (or maybe you don’t  because I always
picture the rest of the world as being responsible and us as being the
only irresponsible ones .

Anyway, of course leaving later, how do I decide to kill time? Praying?
Doing devotions? Catching up with my Bible reading? Nope, none of those
things… I decide to come in to Open Diary and catch up with  my
buddies.  Oh well… I just can’t help it. OD always perks me up.
It’s like getting together with friends any time you want, even if you
only have a few minutes.  (The few minutes always stretches into
at least a half-hour though — at least for me because I have so many
favorites and also because the posts on the front page often catch my

I’m still sort of reeling a bit from yesterday’s therapy session. 
I wish I could write about it… heck, I wish I could talk about it,
anything… but that’s why I’m in therapy, because I am choked
emotionally and every other way when it comes to some of these
things.  I feel shame, guilt, and complicity with my own
victimization and it’s difficult enough to even share that.  Big
step right there.  Ugh, what a mess can be made when a person is
sexually abused. It’s a whole complex twist of emotions and physical
sensations and judgments that stay with one throughout their lives and
festers until it becomes like a huge permanent monster reaching into
all sorts of areas of one’s mind and affecting so many facets of one’s
personality and the thing that enrages me is it was all so somebody
could satisfy ONE physical need.  Or was it?  Perhaps there
was some sick emotional need to, but… ugh, I’m making myself sick
with this whole train of thought.  I’m making myself sick,
enraged, and upset.  When I start thinking about this stuff my
actual physiology changes. My body temperature rises and I can feel my
heart begin to race and my breath get shorter. 

I didn’t come in here to talk about this… I came in here to wish everybody Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!

Log in to write a note

RYN: ME? Dedicated? I’m not so sure about that…..I don’t usually set Goals….and achieve them, so I’m very nervous about this one….. Believe me, you and I will meet someday dear! wink Your SUPPORT has been the result of some of this positivity going on here…I thank GOD for friends like you! hugs

Hon,,,,,ONLY YOU can make the decision to not allow this HORRIBLE PAST event to haunt you and AFFECT you for the rest of your Glorious days here on earth…

March 17, 2005


ty for the note, but you seem with my parents we dont have much of a relationship…I’ve started a little pushing but no such luck. ex, I went to talk to her about a dream I was having and she laughed turning it into a joke. it doesn’t matter, bc it’s not like i need to talk to her (the whole pt of the diary) the contract is a great!! amazing idea, but she won’t take it serious. it’ll be another

joke. oh well. no worries. thx for the note. happy st. patricks day! Liz

March 17, 2005

btw, I meant to say this before, I love the entry title! Liz

March 17, 2005

I just wanna know where you found the picture of me jumping on a clover? LOL Happy St Patricks to you too.

March 17, 2005

*hug* I look so forward to reading your notes! I’m glad you don’t find Chunga hot..I’d have to fight you! 😉 just kidding. What do you think about this therapy business? Is it worth it? I’ve wondered about going myself…but I always put it off. Just don’t know if it is for me or not I guess.

March 17, 2005

The snow you had never came here and they’re saying we shouldn’t get it. I’m hoping we don’t! I know exactly what you mean about OD. I would love to meet up with all my OD friends…that would be so neat. The time does seem to fly when I’m on here. Hope your St. Patrick’s Day was a good one! Hugs~~

Somedays we’re the angels with the messages from God for each other. That’s what I get from OD.