About a year and a half ago, maybe longer, I got some news about my brother. Well… just see below… that will explain it. I ended up tearing down all my XXX websites and posting the following:
Eryssa, Felecia, Dannielle, and Women Who Know are Dead..
They’re all dead.
No more of all of this… My brother is a crack addict and I’ve made a “deal” with God. I know, I know… the REAL God doesn’t do deals, does he? But there seems to be nothing else I can do.
My brother is 49 years old. He has an MBA from a prestigous university. He was incredibly successful, made literally millions of dollars. He had a wonderful family… a beautiful wife and two kids. His wife had her law degree, the world seemed so ahead for them.
Somewhere along the line, he began to snort cocaine… as do the rich and successful sometimes I guess. Then, of course, weird things started happening. The first I heard about was that he was living in another state with another woman and her children and had been for almost a year without his wife knowing. Most people couldn’t get away with that, but he could because he had always traveled so extensively that he was able to fly back and forth between the two places.
The woman he was living with wasn’t just any woman, either. She was a black woman with two kids and she had long blond braids and talked like she came from the hood. Can’t host too many dinner parties that way, can you?
The other piece of news was that he hadn’t worked since the end of 1998 (This was in spring of 1999). Because he had so much money invested he was able to support two families (one of them in an upscale neighborhood and lifestyle) without working and with indulging in coke on a fairly frequent basis.
At some point or another, though, he decided that he needed to straighten himself out and told the “other” woman he was leaving. She hit him on the head with a hammer, but he got out. When he got back to the city by his wife and children he was going to do just one snort, but then he tried crack and he didn’t stop… at least not yet. That was back in April I think.
Since then he has stolen money from my mother, tricked and begged his (now ex-)wife out of several thousand, lost everything except the clothes he was wearing and a car he’s driving (although he traded down from a Porsche to something else that I’m sure will soon be repossessed or stolen or something.
My (ex)sister-in-law talked to one of his dealers a day or two ago. She found out that he has a 400-600 dollar habit a DAY and that one hit of crack lasts only ten minutes. When he’s out of it his new “friends” take his stuff or take his car joy riding. When he wakes up he says, “Oh my God, what am I doing…” then he gets high again I guess. It seems like he’s lost to all.
All along, when I was doing this eryssa, felecia, dannielle thing I felt uncomfortable in my soul with it. I knew it was an unGodly thing to do, but I felt like since it was just words and fantasy, it was not really that sinful… you know all that justification and rationalization stuff. But now when I really needed to go to the Lord desperately, I felt this wall between us…not from Him but from myself, because I had to go like a dog who’s messed up and now the master has come home. I realized that, although I’m a terrible sinner too… most of that stuff is accidental. The writing, however, is/was premeditated. That was the only thing really making me hesitant to approach God.
So, I’m destroying it all… all off the web, all out of my computer… and it’s hard because some of that was the best writing I’ve ever done. And, no, I don’t believe that this will “save” my brother. But I can’t rest until I’ve done everything within my power to help him. I’m spending a great deal of money to go to where he is and try to find him. I’ve called him and called motels in the town he’s at. I’ve sent telegrams. This way, I’ll know that I did everything I could, within reason, so no matter what comes, I won’t have to say… “If I only had…, then maybe….”
I did that last June.