To Sort Some Things Out

Well, here I am… back in Open Diary again. I first started with OD long ago, back in 2000. I was in it for a long time. Then when it came here, to this iteration, I was in for a short time. Since that time I became a “real” writer. I have two published books (traditionally published, not self-published) and one novella that should be out in a few weeks, it’s in galleys now. But that’s not why I’m here. I’m in here to sort things out.

This is a good place to be when you’re bothered by stuff and want to “talk,” but you don’t want to blog or tweet or post in social media. I’ve got friends on the left and friends on the right and the things I think would be sure to anger both sets of friends—especially right now.

This country is a mess and it’s hard for me to deal with all these politics. Sure, I get enraged like so many people, but it gets to me—deep in my belly. It’s hard for me to live with it. It seems like others either turn off the news and ignore it or vent their feelings and go on. Some protest or donate money, do things to get this stuff out of their systems. But I don’t seem to be able to find a way to handle the feelings all of this engenders and it’s doubly bad because I don’t fall solidly on either side.

Here’s the thing, I’m actually pro-life. I hate abortions. I really believe a baby is a baby even when it’s just a little fetus. When I miscarried twice, I grieved those two babies and the women I know who miscarried felt the same way about their lost babies. I don’t think, however, that overturning Roe vs. Wade will save a lot of fetal lives. I just think people will go to the states that allow abortions in order to get them. Plus those abortions will come later in the lives of those fetuses.

What I DO think this will do is send the rabid right further into their corner of the ring and the rabid left further into their corner so that both will come out more violently boxing. I also don’t believe that this move is truly made in order to protect unborn babies. It surely seems to me that it is more of a partisan move, a move to show people who exactly has the power in this country… and it actually isn’t the majority because apparently the majority believes abortion should be available to women.

Now, when I was in elementary school (granted that was a long time ago), we were told the lie that this was a democratic nation where the country voted and the majority ruled. That’s how they “ruled” the classroom as well. If there were 28 of us and the teacher called for a vote, if 15 of us voted to see Snow White instead of Sleeping Beauty, the 13 that wanted Sleeping Beauty were compelled to accept Snow White and we were taught to do so with grace. That was how it was done in the U.S., they told us. And that was what we expected when we got older. But that’s not how it is at all. That thing called the electoral college has shown us differently by putting two presidents into place when the popular vote wanted otherwise and now this group called the “supreme” court is dictating to our country what the women can and cannot do regardless of what the majority want.

If this party with so much power—the power to dictate to us what we must do—REALLY cared about life… if they were REALLY pro-life, might they not look more closely at what causes these abortions in the first place and put their energy and focus on getting rid of the root causes?

First, 51% of all early term abortions are the result of contraception failure, mostly condoms. Maybe there needs to be more education about the morning after pill or perhaps it needs to be made more available or more affordable. That pill is NOT an abortion, it is a preventative.

Secondly, abortions have dropped drastically over the past years. Why not research why and keep that going? Why not offer fair and unbiased counseling to pregnant women? Why not offer inexpensive adoption processes? Why not offer financial help for pregnant women and affordable daycare options? These people who claim to be so “pro-life” appear to only be pro-forcing-people-to-do-what-they-want. If they were REALLY pro-life, they would be “pro” taking care of that life and helping that life get off to a decent start. And why not bring the father of that unborn baby into the picture?  Why not have HIM have to sign off on terminating the pregnancy? Once a couple discusses it, things might turn out differently.

But what I think doesn’t matter. I know that all too well. I sit in my living room typing into my iPad, fully aware that even if I came up with the plan to save the world from everything, it wouldn’t matter—one voice really DOESN’T matter. Still, I sit in my frustration and anger and just need to get rid of it somehow.

I don’t believe these people care about life. I believe they care about power. And what’s really hard for me is that I am a Christian. That is the longest piece of my identity. I was a Christian before I was a mother or a wife or a writer or anything. But I have long believed that Christians, themselves, have become the devils greatest warriors. In my own case, they are now turning me away from organized religion for sure. I’ve been a church goer for over thirty years and a believer that people should bring others to church, get them to be a part of it. Now I’m beginning to doubt that. I realize that I don’t feel comfortable or safe with my Christian friends. I’m afraid they’ll judge me (I wrote romance books that have sex in them.) I see Christians as being hard people with unsympathetic natures. I almost see them as people who will be smiling and nodding as they point to “us” in hell—getting what we deserve (although I AM a Christian and believe I will be with Jesus, not in hell). This is what this country and these nationalistic evangelistic Christians have done to my mindset. I can’t even imagine what this has done to non-believers.

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May 6, 2022

I think that people like us, talking, and telling our stories, expressing our frustrations, wrestling with these questions, matter so very much. And to be okay with not always agreeing or even coming to any final conclusions is so very important.

May 6, 2022

First of all, congratulations on your publications!! I would die to know the titles of your books because I have always enjoyed your writings here.

I hear what you say, to “talk” about stuff. In difficult times OD has been an outlet for me, shouting at the wind…

I think a classroom is a perfect analogy for a democracy in every way. We can be sure that the teacher will always protect us from voting for anything that will harm us.

About the abortion thing, I am also against it, but for different reasons. I wrote an entry about it once… I cant remember exactly but it was something along the lines of that we all have to do things for the society we live in. Men will die in wars and women have to bear the children that will stand up for the next fight…