I live for a revenge. That is not the right thing to live for, but I have plans and even if those plans are secret, I want to share them with you. I know, I am somehow anonymous here and so I wear the mask of anonymity to share plans nobody in my surrounding is aware of. I also wear a smile everyday, even if i harbour a grudge and yes, I will have my revenge.

I reached a Bachelor in Communication Sciences. I am now working at a Master in Media Management, and after that I would like to study law. Not because it interests me. I hate it actually. It consists in studying by heart laws and tribunals’ decisions. It has nothing to do with Justice. It is just turning the law upside down until it fits for you client. I know it because, back in the 2000, I was a brilliant law student. The best of my class. I studied law for 6 semesters before schizophrenia stole my life.

Now, I decided that I would go back to law studies because I want to know what legal steps I could ever undertake to bring the hell on all the so-called “caregivers” who allegedly were there to cure me in psychiatric hospitals, but actually deprived me of my dignity, of my hopes and of 10 years of my life. Doctor Livio, my therapist, needed a couple of years to set me on the right way and believed that I had some potential. With that kind of confidence, he made me self-confident, and here I am. Nowadays I know that my fellow patients are almost all dead, but there are others in that hospital. Maybe the doctors and the nurses do not even remember me, I was just a “crazy one” like all the other “crazy ones”. But I promise, they will hear my name again and they will have a reason to remember my name.

My parents do not even suspect that I have this project to go back to studying law. I am 37, I am too old to study. I know. But I spent 10 years alone in that hospital, with nobody really caring for me. It would have been the duty of good parents to care for me. They never visited me, not even once. I was there and I was the shame of the family. A schizophrenic daughter. Terrible. I do not think that my parents deserve me sharing my plans and thoughts with them. I will tell them after everything is set for execution.

The night is still long. The night has yet to come.

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April 13, 2018

I like legal revenge. I support you in this!

April 13, 2018

I do not see it as revenge so much as setting to rights what was and is so wrong. I applaud you! 37 is not too old to study. Pfft throw that thought away. As long as you draw breath and can think, STUDY!

April 13, 2018

you are never too old to study and improve your life

April 13, 2018

have you ever read “the center cannot hold” by elyn saks? i think you might like it.

April 13, 2018

I can totally relate to psychiatric wards. They are no better here than anywhere else I imagine.I am against medication because of my brother (I’ll write about that later ) None have worked for me SSRI’s do not work at all.The last medication I had (my choice whilst trying to find an alternative to a recently banned one) was chlorazepam and that was a nightmare to withdraw from after only about 3 months.Then I discovered they gave it to people who were coming off heroin (I have never taken illegal drugs )

You are never too old to study -if I was 15 yrs younger I would be doing just that.I intend to write more about psychiatry in my next update. Take care too and I understand your feeling of frustration and  anger I’m sick of the stigma surrounding mental illness!