Sometimes I ask myself what my real interests are. I decided to study Communication Sciences just because I had to renounce to Philosophy. Philosophy was my first choice. But to enter the faculty it was necessary to have an admission interview and to provide a good curriculum. My curriculum was, well, empty. Just high school, and then ten years of nothing. I could not write “I am sorry, I was in the psychiatric hospital, now I am ok”. I feared that, and I decided to settle for another option, without even knowing what it was about. I did not have particular interests for media, communication, sociology, let alone for statistics or journalism.
I started to like it while doing it. Maybe I liked it because I met good people, a small and pretty atmosphere where we all know each other. My main goal was getting an education, no matter in what field. I noticed that I like the whole media-thing. It is indeed interesting, media affect our lives and are pervasive, in many ways. Many of my friends really want to work in the field, they are looking around for jobs, they are trying to gather information for stages. I do not. I just fear the moment in which I will leave University, that small place where I felt esteemed and where I could build a little self-confidence out of the mess that was my life before it.
I will most probably go back to law studies. Sometimes I dream I could do a PhD, but who would ever invest research money (which is a scarce resource) in a 37-year-old person? If you want to be an academician, you have to be young, competitive, smart and you must have a very special curriculum. Something that might make you appear somehow outstanding. I do not have the requisites.
Sometimes I feel as if the whole media-thing were going to a natural end. It was a time of my life, a nice time. I will always keep it in my memories, and it will be useful to know all the things I learnt, but my way is another one. To have my revenge, to really fulfil my purpose, I will have to gather some more knowledge. Even if it is boring knowledge. Legal knowledge.
In the end, my revenge is more important than anything else.