So much on my mind lately. One of the biggest things is working on forgiveness. How do you forgive someone that isn’t even sorry for what they have done to you? I know that to forgive is to free yourself, but I just cannot bring myself to forgive this one person. This person has caused me so much pain and suffering for most of my life, and isn’t even sorry. How can I forgive him? How? I had to come face to face with him 2 years ago for the first time in about 20 years and he DENIED doing what he did to me. No one believes him though. He’s now sitting in prison with a life sentence with no chance of parole because he fucked up another little girl’s life. Like me, she will endure the emotional scars he left behind. She’ll endure a life full of anxiety and depression. She’ll endure a life of hopelessness, unworthiness, and low self-esteem. She’ll be full of self doubt and self loathing. He did this to her. He did this to me. And yet, I need to forgive him so I can break free from him. But, again, how do I forgive someone that isn’t even sorry for what they did? I just can’t bring myself to do it, even though it’s for me. I started to compose a letter to him. I don’t know if I will ever send it to him if I am ever able to forgive him. I don’t know if I can bring myself to send it, but just to have it written down might be enough for me and my mind.
On a more lighter note, I am pretty excited to go see my first favorite boy band on Thursday–New Kids On The Block! I am super excited. I fell in love with them in the early 90’s. One of my first celebrity crushes was on Donnie Wahlberg. I used to envision that it was me Donnie was singing Cover Girl about haha. I never thought I’d be in my 30’s and be super psyched to see them, but here I am. We have some pretty good seats as well, which will make the experience all the more amazing! This will definitely be a much needed day to take my things off of things.
The man just got back from a week away. I get to see him tomorrow and I am super excited to see him. I’ve missed him. I didn’t get to celebrate his birthday with him because he was away, but I plan on making him dinner. I’m not the greatest cook in the world, but I am going to try and knock his socks off with what I cook. Wish me luck!
Anyway, I am off to prep for tomorrow. Bye for now Diary!