I truly hate my mind these days. Here I am, happy, the happiest I’ve been in such a long time, and BAM! here comes the doubt and insecurity. I keep asking myself if I actually deserve this happiness? If I actually deserve this wonderful man that came out of nowhere? Why this man even wants anything to do with me? Is he just passing the time with me just until someone better comes along? I hate it. I know he isn’t here wasting his time on me until someone better comes along. He isn’t that kind of man. He genuinely likes me. And it shows by how he lights up when his eyes happen upon me. Maybe it’s just that I am so not used to the kind of attention he gives me. Maybe I’m becoming insecure because this is actually a Man, and I’m just used to douche-bags. I don’t know. But I hate how my mind has me feeling right now. When alone, all I do is cry. I don’t know why I am crying. He isn’t going anywhere–or I hope he isn’t, but my mind just screams loudly about how I am not good enough for him. Why, why, why?? Why wouldn’t I be good enough for him? WHY? It’s so true when people say that they are they’re worse enemy. Here I am fighting myself almost daily about my thoughts.
I wish my mind would shut the fuck up, Diary! I just want to be happy.