When things changed ….

I do recognize when things started to change. To be honest, I can’t fault him for his reasoning. Although I don’t agree with it, it was his reasoning so it was real to him. Around November of 2019 (I believe it was around then) his son got involved in a horrible scary situation. The reality of him going to jail for domestic abuse (which he was falsely accused of my an ex girlfriend) was a reality. He went to jail for 3 days before his parents even found out and were able to get him out. Then there were attorneys, a lot of money, a lot of fear and years and trauma from the whole situation. It was an ugly time but ultimately his son was cleared by the grand jury and it never went to trial. During that time he spoke a lot about being punished by God and his children were the ones being punished for his sin. I knew what was coming. There had been a number of times over the 5.5 years when his guilt caused him to put a halt to us. Those times never lasted long tho. A couple weeks break and he would come back. This time was different …. we discussed it a lot for a few weeks. I begged a lot for a few weeks and then he finally said that was it. No more ….. it was over. We would always be friends, he would always care about me, but he has to do the right thing. I did understand, but I still hated it. That was June or July of 2020. It’s been 8 months (approximately) And here I am still missing him. How pathetic am I? I would still message him about once a week just to “touch base” but his replies were short or even just a simple emoji reply. He was obviously not going to engage in conversation with me. One day I asked him if I could call and he said no. He said he didn’t intended to be cruel, but he didn’t want to send me mixed messages.
How is it so easy for him to talk away and here I am 8 months later still missing him.
The things that bother me and that make me bitter are things like ….. when he knew I had COVID and I hadn’t posted anything on my IG (he’s not on my FB) for a couple weeks. I eventually messaged him on FB and he said ….. I thought maybe you had gotten really sick because you hadn’t post in awhile. Two things went through my mind …… Awwww, he noticed I hadn’t posted 🥰 and then ….. if you thought I was sick, why didn’t you reach out to see how I was?  Because he doesn’t care was my answer. No Happy Birthday on my birthday, no Merry Christmas, no nothing. He will not message me.
I told him I was giving him up for Lent and his reply was …. 👍 I thought “Fuck you”. He can give a shit. So I haven’t had communication for weeks. He rarely posts anything on his pet IG but he will “like” anything that I post on my pet IG. That’s literally the only contact now …,. His likes on my dog pictures. Today I looked at his wife’s FB not really expecting to see anything because she doesn’t really post on FB and they are here in Florida seeing their kids. They were out on their sons boat and his wife was videoing their son and the dogs and then he panned to HIM. It was shocking to me. It’s the first time I e seen him in almost a year. I’ve rewatched that video over and over again. And I keep thinking …… do you even still think of me?  In a way I wonder if he thinks I will actually just walk away finally and not message him again. Does he think I have it in me? Does he think eventually I’ll message? Does he think …., she will never be 100% gone. Does he think ….. all I have to do is send one message and she will be back.  Does he think ….. thank God she’s finally gone.

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March 22, 2021

I am sorry you are going through this. Truly.