Daddy come home

My wife of 17 yrs and I are separated. The bottom line is that she was unfaithful to me, Not Once but more than once. She cheated on me before, I caught her discussing and professing love with an ex-boyfriend years ago, it lasted perhaps about 6 months or so, we fought, i forgave and we moved on. Then 4 years ago she did the same but this time with a “friend”, this time it led to sex, this in turn led to me asking her to leave the house, she moved with a family member 10 minutes away. I would see her almost every day and god i missed her then, i asked to resolve these issues, we engaged in counseling and moved on, since then i felt as if i have PTSD, i was never really sure of what was going on. About 3 months ago she engaged on activities (i dont think sexual) with the the same ex-boyfriend which this time led me to leave the house.

She had a fucked up childhood, her mom and dad separated and it was not amicable. She stayed with her dad and while he did the best he could he was not a loving or caring figure. Her mom, perhaps more loving, was not stable, she did all kids of forbidden substances and had many relationships so living with her mom was not an option; as a result she grew as a casualty of this dynamic. She did not have anyone to rely on and so even though she is gorgeous (And I mean men turn heads everywhere) she has a very low self esteem and as a result she feels like she needs to be validated which is what has caused the issues.

I want to fix this, correct this make it good… my 9 yr old daughter told me two days ago while i was tucking her to bed “Daddy come home” that struck something so deep inside me makes me want to overlook things. I slept home last night, my wife and I talked but nothing happened, she wants to fix all too, she feels guilty, ashamed, i still love her but something inside me is different, i cant put a finger on it but I’m confused as hell. I have a tinder date Friday because i wanted to move on but now I’m not so sure..

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November 30, 2018

Thanks for visiting my diary.  I know you are in a tough place now, too.  I think the best you can do is spend time with your daughter and let your wife move on or it will drive you nuts.  When I divorced it was tough on all my kids, too.  You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your daughter.  Does this make sense.  When you find your happiness again, life will be good again.

November 30, 2018

@j8xmom I agree, i think i need to just move on. The good guy in me just want to understand why and allow it to be an excuse to go back because i know is not intentional, is just a mental thing on her part. I’ll grow from this somehow

December 3, 2018

It sounds like you are doing what is best, but it must be so hard to hear that from your daughter, I’m sorry for that 🙁

December 3, 2018

I agree with everyone else, this is a difficult situation, but the best thing for you is to do just keep on moving on. You don’t have to remain bitter towards your soon-to-be ex-wife, but she has her own issues that she has to work on by herself, before she is ready to be in a committed relationship.

I’m sorry that your 9 year old daughter has to go through this, but she will. Just make sure that you and your soon-to-be ex-wife make time for her.

Good luck with your tinder date on Friday!

December 6, 2018

The things our children say are always priceless but when situations become unbearable we just have to fix what we can and move on.  You wife can not be fixed….she has to hit rock bottom before she will realize what she has done…I am sorry but this is a fact.  Just make sure you take care of yourself and don’t worry about others…..