In Gusts
Love. Tomorrow is my wife’s birthday. I have planned a number of surprises for her. I should have asked her before today if she liked surprises. Her words told me she would try to like them, but her sounds told me she did not prefer them. Oh well.
I have stopped unnecessary talking. It’s mostly a waste of energy. And I don’t have to explain myself nearly as often.
I am trying a new drink – ginger beer. I did not expect the spiciness of it. I have no idea what to pair it with beyond maybe a warm slice of apple pie with vanilla ice cream. I am not sure I enjoy it yet, which itself is nice. I think I would like to enjoy it.
I had plans to go see old friends in ten days. I do not think I will be able to go. (It is more truthful for me to say that I am certain I will not be able to go, but I do not want to admit it yet.)
I read many words today, but understood few of them. And that idea concerns me.
Does a good person first remember their sins or their virtues? I am not sure if it is a joke or a lie.
Bitter. I hope my sons turn out better. I do not finish anything. Amen.
I think the fact that you PLANNED something lovely for your wife says so much about you – and I’m sure she responded with love. At least I HOPE she responded with love!
I understand what you mean about reading a lot of words but truly understanding few. I get that way reading diaries and I’ve decided to boycott a few because they just aren’t healthy.
I hope you finish something soon.
@novembercirese She did not, but that is okay. I do not always respond with love either. Sometimes there are troubles. It’s okay for right now to be one of those times. Peace to you.
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Hmmm, probably their sins because they feel bad about them. I know I am very hard on myself and mostly only see what I do or have done wrong. I try to look at my virtues but sometimes they are just too hard to see in myself.
@happyathome Yes, I understand completely. I have struggled with sin – both with my own mistakes and with the very concept. As a child, I made many mistakes with the concept, thinking some things were sinful when they were not, and thinking some things not sinful when they were.
In the same vein, I have struggled with forgiveness – both with forgiving people and with the concept. I believe I am fortunate to have only rarely held a grudge. There are only two people against which I have ever held a grudge for a length of time greater than a day. (I do not say this to brag, but to inform; perhaps I should have found different words.) Because of this, I felt that I understood forgiveness, because it does come fairly easy to me. But I have learned over the past days, weeks, and months that while I may be good at forgiving others, I am absolutely awful at forgiving myself. I believe this is a lesson God intends for me to learn during this time. I wanted to share this with you only because I would not want you to be too hard on yourself. I believe that you do not deserve the self-turmoil through which you put yourself. Peace to you.
@iamnur Yes, exactly! I forgive almost too easily. I have been asked on many occasions how I can continue to forgive certain people and love them as if nothing ever happened. I don’t know how, I just know for me it comes easy. However, yes…not so easy to forgive myself. I have never thought about it like this. I should be as kind to myself and forgiving to myself as I am to everyone else…I count too. Again, thank you!!
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