Coming clean (Part two)

Things seemed to have calmed down after I yelled at Alex and quit because the mixture of the painkiller; I stupidly thought that I could clean the grill without gloves on (Drugs played a part in that decision), the crack, and the constant problems about working at the restaurant was just too much. I let him have it, I wound up walking out mid shift. Mickey was happy about that, because I went straight over to his house, since he decided to live closer to me. Still he made sure that I knew that my flirtatious ways is what caused my problems (I am using ‘flirtatious’ as it is less offensive, though it is not what was said. Sometimes, I need to use some decorum, and politeness in my writing).

Some friends (That did not know that I was dating Mickey), took it upon themselves to set me up on a blind date, and both of them set me up with two different girls (Which caused a big fight between my friends). I did not know about this until I was already caught up in a series of events that I had little chance to handle. One of the girls, Billie Jo, always had a thing for me, and saw it is her chance to be with me, but she showed a callous side when it came to Chris and Dawn’s fight, that cooled me on her a little. The other girl, Rebecca, looked vaguely familiar, I figured she came into the diner, so thought no more of it. Billie Jo, left when I told her that I was going to wait on Rebecca. Well, nothing but some cuddling, and a kiss occurred. I had to keep an image of liking girls, but, this was as far as I was willing to go without Mickey knowing beforehand. In hindsight I should have left after I calmed Chris down and he went to bed, I still have not really figured out why I didn’t, but I know it was just another decision to toss into the ole ‘that was a stupid decision pile’ that I have collected over the years. Yeah, I should have left.

When Mickey asked why I did not show up at his house the night before I told him most of what happened, and that I went home with Rebecca. He questioned me about it, I figured honesty would be a good idea, it wasn’t. Things got quite hazy after being thrown through a window then beaten again, the next thing I know I am in the parking lot of the restaurant covered in blood. Who was one of the ones who see me first? Alex.

I know that he made good about the pictures about showing them at least to some people, because I later heard about it, but I left him the first time after this incident. I also got myself off crack, I figured that I had not been on it long enough for it to be a big problem for me, since I knew how to dry out from meth.

A couple of months later. I was doing good, working at the restaurant and the diner. Staying clean off drugs, having a fling with Rebecca (Don’t really know how else to describe it), life is good.

I walk into the diner, and notice a couple of my co-employees looking nervously at me, I just thought we may be having a surprise inspection, and started walking towards the corral (Narrow opening) at the end of the bar and I see Mickey sitting in his usual booth. He smiles at me, and I nod and approach him. I sit in the opposite booth, because I know the coffee is not the only reason he came in. This time I told him ‘no’ when he hinted about trying again. I could tell that he didn’t like that, but knew better than to push it (Especially in the diner, where people knew what he did, and was not happy). Despite all of us on third shift being nervous, he did not return that night.

A couple nights later he comes in to the local bar, and sees me with Rebecca and decides that he has seen enough and leaves. At the end of the night, Rebecca and I say our good nights, and she gets in her car and leaves, as I am saying good night to some friends. As I open the car door I see this flash out of the corner of my right eye, then felt some pressure on my shoulder and turned to see what was going on, and felt pain in my arm, just as I saw that it was Mickey, with a knife. I see him coming in to swing on me, and try to block it, but because of the wound I am too slow, and he punches me in the face. I realize that I am really in trouble, because I am alone in the parking lot. He attacks again and I manage to push him back and get way from the door. He lunges, and we begin fighting. He catches me on the nose again, then knocks me off my feet. As he has me pinned, “I told you that you are mine, ONLY MINE! How many times do I have to remind you!” He smiles as I am trying to struggle free. He slashes at my face, and I see the knife slice my nose, and it catches my upper lip. At this point I believe that he is going to kill me, I manage to catch him off balance and use it to escape. I head for the woods, because he would catch me if I dashed for the bar. I admit at this time the flight part of the brain was in overdrive, and I only wanted to survive. I made it to the diner’s parking lot, to safety.

I started off with the story that I angered someone at the gas station, but the station employees were like, no, that didn’t happen. I finally came clean about what happened, Mickey is arrested, and charged with aggravated domestic abuse. During his prison sentence, he wrote me a letter making his amends, working the steps and all, I was glad to know it. He asked me if I wanted to come see him, if so, that he would put me on the visitor list. I told him, that I was dating someone, and didn’t think that would be appropriate. So we lost contact for a few years, then would just run into each other here and there. He would usually ask me to visit him at his old home, and I would make excuses, the vast majority of the time, when I did spend time with him, it was usually at the old diner, around other people.

Right after my grandmother passed away, I was really upset. I still say if I had listened to her, she may have survived, but I thought she was just giving the nurses a hard time. She wound up with MRSA, and passed away from Sepsis of the blood. I had been clean and sober for a few years, after my own scare of facing life in prison, but relapsed, and relapsed hard. I did not return to Meth, but I did crack, and Mickey (He was back on it, as far as I know, he still is). One day after a pretty big argument the day before, he met me at the door when I reached his house. He told me that he wanted us to seperate, his reason, he was not going to quit drugs, nor would he allow me to follow him back down that path.

I have thought about what my hang up was about him, besides his ummm, endowment… I think it was more, that I believed that was all that I was worth, so I made the decisions that felt most familiar, the most comfortable.

Now I want to speak to both men, and women who come across this post. If you notice your SO changing the way they treat you and it is not for the better, think about it. If they flinch at you, think about it. They run you down at every turn, and tell you what kind of nasty piece of trash you are, think about it. These people are not trying to protect you, they are trying to force you into believing that you can do nothing for yourself. they will stop at nothing until they have you believing that you deserve to be treated like that, that you want it, that you like it, if you do not take control of the situation, and leave.