I have been dealing with an annoying toothache. One of them that just throbbs, lingers, then ebbs, never really getting above a two or three on the pain scale, but does not really goes away for a couple of days. It has slowed me down on my project, I am still thinking that I will be done with the first draft by Christmas. I figure since we are not having a family gathering, I should be able to knock out the last three scenes.
This morning, as I sat drinking my coffee and had breakfast, I thought about the last time that I saw Gloria. I remember asking my father if she looked exhausted. She seemed happy enough at least to see me, but there was something missing that I only partially picked up on. A few days later though, she told me that she still held hope for us, then a couple days later told me that she needed some time to think, and that she would call me back. That was the last time that I talked to her, the next thing I know, I am getting a call from my father telling me that her mom called him. I was devastated, that really hurt, doubly so since it had only been around five years since Jesse killed herself. It was a moment that made me realize just how broken I have been. Even though this memory hurts, it also has shown me that I can not keep wallowing in the guilt that I feel. By doing that, I am not honoring her memory, nor am I making the change that I need to make. *Hint* Quit being a coward, you do not have to rush, but quit finding excuses to not even start.
I have made some decisions in regards to my family in particular, and one of them is the reason that there is not going to be a family gathering. My eldest uncle is highly homophobic, and I have been told that I have to dress in what he deems as appropriate when I am at his house. I told him that I will be wearing what I want to wear from now on, and I will date who I wish. My youngest uncle, who is my landlord as well, is opposed to this decision as well, so I will begin working on finding other housing. He is not throwing me out, or evicting me, I believe that this living arrangement is no longer what is best for me. Screw it, I do not care who you are, you are not going to tell me what to wear, or anything like that anymore!
Well, since I have the tooth calmed back down, I guess I am going to maybe get a few lines done of one of the scenes for my short movie.