Trust

Here’s a little bit of information. You absolutely think you know how you’ll raise your child until you have your child. I also 100% don’t care what anyone else says and it’s empowering. There’s so many myths surrounding what’s right and what’s wrong. So much so that I want to quit my job and become a certified baby sleep specialists to let mom’s know that their instincts are actually correct and society is what makes you think that it’s cool to let your baby cry in a room by him or her self.

Biologically that’s just…it just doesn’t make any sense.
All this mom on Instagram stuff just doesn’t make any sense. Oversharing private emotions, pretending your child sleeps through the night at 2 weeks old. Come. On. Like what is wrong with you.

 

My boy will sleep through the night at some point and I am going to tell you he will before he is two years old. I’m not concerned. He’s spent so much time sick since August because I’m forced to go back to work and teach (which I absolutely don’t want to do anymore) and he has to be with people that are not me and it’s guy wrenching. I hate it.

 

You don’t know how much you will personally change after a baby. I’m 100% okay with who I now am. But it took a really long time to be okay with me. I’m not the me I was. I am someone who needs to be a certain way and I just can’t do it. I can’t lose the last 10 pounds although I eat better and don’t drink (which I hardly did before, but now it just seems so pointless). I can’t love my job anymore. I can’t care about things I once did. I don’t think it’s my fault. Your brain changes after a baby. The synapsis and little dendrites in there are firing in different patterns. I just literally see so many things I once cared about is absolutely trivial and…it is something I cannot fight. I have to accept.

But I feel at peace with the things that I do as a mom. The ways that we comfort our boy. The things we have to do when he is sick. Like allow him to fall asleep with me on the couch or in the bed so that we can get sleep. I understand why there’s all these things out in the world on how we should raise our babies. But mom’s intuition really matters too. You don’t know what you’ll have to do or change to raise your baby until your baby is here.

 

Honestly I understand how my sister may have seen my life before I had a child. I sort of forgive her for that because there’s a point when you are raising another human that you don’t have time to care about other stuff. But that doesn’t mean I can’t understand other people’s way of life too…so…yeah.

 

Also? Some girl at work took my name for my second son if I were to have one and I’m irritated I shared the name with her way before she was pregnant and she apparently couldn’t think of anything else. K. Maybe the next baby will be a little girl and it won’t be a problem. Maybe there will not be a next baby. I’m 400% not ready for that thought anyway.

 

That’s all.

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