It’s past midnight. I should be asleep. I’m putting kendrah in the nursery tomorrow. Alex tries to make me feel bad at first but then he understands why because he is yet again homeless, I have a lot to do and part of that is because I was helping him instead of doing what I needed to do. I don’t feel that bad though because she really wants to go, she’s excited. Plus Alex is not helping and I’m super behind in school work, I have a new class starting soon so I CANNOT get behind and I like to have time just me and Mitchell sometimes because I want to have sex with him. Is that bad? That I put my child in the nursery so I can sleep in and have sex? Well and school so maybe that makes up for it. I’m trying to be a better mom. There is no denying it, my kid has issues and I need to learn how to help her. I think a good solid routine would help. Now that Alex isnt in the picture it should be easier. I think I should stay at my house more when I have kendrah because its a more stable routine for her. So I think mornings should look like this:
Get Dressed
Brush Teeth
Make Snack for day
Take vitamins
Go to Bus.

I should wake up at 9 unless I am going to my dads in which case I will wake up at 730.
Evening routine will look like this:
515: arrive home
5:15-7:15 free play (at home and in muscle room)
7:15-745 dinner
7:45-815 read books/do i ready
8:15-9pm take bath
9-915 Pjs and brush teeth
930 pm sing and bed

I should write this list down and put a calm alarm on to signal moving to the next thing to help kendrah understand.

This can be adjusted if the bedtime is too late. To give less free play or bath only on certain days because bath is play too. But I think these things are important. The reading, the free play, the bedtime routine. I think the more she has a routine and knows she is expected to do a certain thing than the more she will behave and listen. Other things I think are important to start doing are:

-healthy meals with vegis everyday, meal planning
-Giving her chores, consequences and rewards

I am going to make a chore chart and on it its going to be respecting the dog and not hitting along with small cleaning. If she gets a certain number of days perfect she gets better and better prizes. For instance she will get the toy she really really wants if she does every thing every day. She will get a little treat, like getting nails done, for getting a majority of the times.

As consequences she will have time outs meaning that her play time with not be with a friend and there will be no screen time or science experiments and an extra chore. Maybe a princess dress taken away for a day or so.

I will see how I can do at attaining these goals for her. These are my mom goals. I have whole other goals for me myself and I!

I want to get her into therapy again too. I want to do everything I can do help her. I love to see her happy. I dont like yelling at her all the time and her crying all the time.

I think it’s actually better for me and her when Alex is completely out of the picture for now. Unless he can give her a routine and we can work together for these things than he cant be a parent. I thought him taking her makes it less stressful but it actually makes mine and her life more chaotic. I feel more comfortable putting her in the nursery which is sad. Why? Because I know my daughter will be fed and clothed correctly, have fun play time and a routine. I drop my kid off for 2-3 days and I don’t worry about her basic needs being met, I only focus on giving myself a break. This is why I would rather do the nursery every other weekend, and then on the weekends with her do fun family things and the weekends without do self care and relationship care for me and mitchell.  Until I can feel as comfortable with alex as I do with the nursery, he should not have her. He should take her on his days in the morning or after school, and then he should keep her for the entirety of his time, getting her to and from school. I should not have to be the driver to bring her there just to sleep. He should be able to stick to a schedule. Hopefully it would be every other weekend and maybe a few weekdays.

its going to suck that me and mitchell wont be able to sleep together as much if i do this plan. But I have to think of my daughter. I think it would be great to include mitchell because that is help I would have. Alas I cannot now unless we live together. I want to live together but I cant afford it right now. He would have to start making more money consistantly for that to happen I think the only night I can would be monday nights because he will be babysitting for my class.

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