Entry 798:

I’ve been having a lot in intrusive thoughts recently. I have not followed the instructions of one. I have not wanted to. But I have been having them.

Most have been “aaaaand step” as I’m waiting at a pedestrian crossing and a car goes passed. Or ones to that effect.

I’ve been doing more each week. I’ve started doing stuff in my ADC role. I’ve been visiting groups and asking what they need and want in the short and long term. Most have been saying leaders. I have noticed that most need training for SEN children. 

One group said they didn’t need anything at the moment but would love if we started to do district events again. A district (cubs only) activity day. A district (all sections) camp. A district (all sections) cinema trip.

They asked about leader meetings. I said I wanted to start them up again, but not as a monthly thing, more as a quarterly thing unless requested or needed. I want to start them up as soon as I’ve visited all groups. I have three more to go, but they all meet on the same night and same time as my own group.

There are seven weeks left until all groups will break up for winter holidays. I have three groups to visit. I’m not sure whether to alternate my group other group my group or to just miss three weeks on the run at my group.

It might be that I see what leaders we have for my group one evening and if they can manage that night, then I go visit the other one.

I wish I could get to them all in one night, but I’ve been staying for the full meeting and talking to leaders afterwards. I can’t do that if I leave half way through.

Work has been… work. I suppose that’s the only way to put it. 

We (the guards) are getting what seems to be a “school yard” telling off. Like, the tiniest thing we’re doing that isn’t up to the standard of the reception team, bam, told off. Like, we’re human. We don’t say anything about when they forget to sign someone in.

Its all little things now too. None of us can be bothered and I’ve had enough of it too. 

I’m tired. I’ve not been sleeping well at all but that’s nothing new for me in all honesty. It comes and it goes. It gets better, it gets worse. I’m just tired of being tired.



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