Self Esteem & Insecurities

*Hello:) I’ve never wrote a journal about me before so this is my first. If you stay until the end, thank you for hearing this out!* Starting at a young age I became pretty insecure about almost everything. It was hard and still is to overcome insecurities. I’ve always had very noticeable flaws like my skin, my weight, etc. even though I had nothing wrong with my weight to begin with. In middle school two of my friends were scaled for a ride that stood in the middle of the mall that only carried a certain weight of two people. Their weight was scaled to 99 pounds to 100. As for my friend who was 100 pounds, complained for being ‘fat’.

I scaled myself after the both of them to be 110 at the time. I told them that I would just sit on the bench and wait for them to get off thinking I would take half of the rides weight limit which was set to about near 160 to 210 pounds. I was always seen to be an outcast when I was anywhere with family members and I was always ‘compared’ to my older sister whos older by 2 years.

Whenever we were seen together in a family event or anything they would always and only compliment my sister. Whenever I was with a relative they’d tell my mom, ”she’s so pretty” out of no where. To me, what words came out of anyone’s mouth mattered to me a lot. But at school I was always complimented and I couldn’t accept the comments cause I came to think I wasn’t worthy of anything. I scrolled through Instagram influenced by people’s way of clothing, makeup, hairstyle, and more and I wanted to be apart of this ‘trend’ just to follow what beauty standards were at that time.

I was fat shamed more than once and tried to come up with a dieting plan because of an idol I looked up to but it wasn’t continued. A lot has happened during the time being and I’ve completely lost myself. I gained a lot more weight than before and I started to fail school because I haven’t had much energy for a while.

I have many faults and I have many fears, but I am going to embrace myself as hard as I can, and I’m starting to love myself, little by little. Please know that you are loved for who you are somewhere in the world,,,

-“Maybe I made a mistake yesterday, but yesterday’s me is still me. I am who I am today, with all my faults. Tomorrow I might be a tiny bit wiser, and that’s me, too. These faults and mistakes are what I am, making up the brightest stars in the constellation of my life. I have come to love myself for who I was, who I am, and who I hope to become.”-xxxxxxx

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January 26, 2021

This is a powerful entry. Words are unfortunately powerful and can either empower someone or hinder that person. I was always that “bigger girl” in classes that got looked at and whatnot. It’s just now as an adult in my 30s that I’m accepting me. Glad you’re loving and accepting yourself.

January 26, 2021

Your powerful entry hit home with me. I’m happy you love and accept yourself now. I’m slowly getting there myself!

4 weeks ago

Love this entry! I have body dysmorphia and I gained weight during the pandemic which makes it worse. I’ve always been relatively thin, but I buy large clothing and see myself as huge. I’m working on positive affirmations so I can get to a place where I love what I look like.