I know it has been awhile. So much going on. And my thoughts are a jumbled mess. I am off work today. Trying to catch up on so many things. Too bad I couldn’t have caught up on sleep. But try as I might rest does not come right now. I sleep about 4-5 hours a night. I wake around 3 a.m every morning and fight to return to sleep. Sometimes it happens other times not so much. Yes, I am feeling exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, physically. I am hoping that soon things will get better.
We had the celebration of Life for my Husband Ron on Saturday, May 19, 2018. We had a beautiful day. Lots of sunshine. We had a brief ceremony and then, of course, lots of food. We had a great turn out. A few hundred people showed up. Some people I was hoping to see didn’t come. Which makes me sad. My son did pretty well. He was my rock. I am hoping this will bring closure for both of us and things will settle down. We still have unresolved things with the estate but that takes time. Somethings you can’t rush. I am not sure when it is going to finally sink in. Somedays I think it has others days I am ready to call him or send him a picture. Lord give us strength.
I took a few days off work. Friday, Saturday, and Monday. I had several things to get done Friday and today. Dr. appointments, an appointment with social security, and just mental health time. Yesterday I did absolutely nothing but lay around and watch tv. I cried so much Friday and Saturday I was drained. I am also taking Wednesday off to play hooky with some friends from work. We all hate our job. So we decided to do a girls day trip and shop and eat in the middle of the week. Sometimes you just have to do something fun. So I am only working 3 days this week and then we have a long weekend for Memorial Day.
I sat around and binged watched “Thirteen Reasons Why” season 2 on Netflix. If you haven’t seen it you should check it out. Start with season 1 so you know what is going on. Parents it’s an eye-opener. If you have a teenager maybe watch it with them. It touches on so many topics with our teenagers today. Speaking of which: Another school shooting. Our youth is crying out for help in so many ways. I have so many thoughts on this but I won’t start today.
I have been back on all my meds for diabetes for about two months now. And I have gained so much weight. This is very upsetting to me. I want to be good and take the medicine. But I don’t want the extra 20+ pounds. I see my doctor next month for my check up and I am going to tell her. This is why I go off my medicine. I don’t want to carry this extra weight I feel like crap. I am not eating more food, and I am moving more. There is no reason for this except the drugs. I hate it. And if she does not offer some help I will stop taking the drugs again. How can gaining 20+ pounds when you take your medicine be good for you? Do any of you have these problems? I take diabetes drugs: metform, glipizide, and lantus insulin. And I also take prozac ( i have for years) and she started me on lyrica for the neuropathy in my feet. I hate this.
I hope today will give me some good answers from the Social Security Administration. I am turning 60 in July. And I want to check into getting my husband’s social security. I am dealing with a lot of health issues, and stress, and just would really like to drop down to part-time status with my job or look for something else part-time. I will know after my appointment today. Wish me luck.
Do you ever wonder sometimes Why does life have to be so hard? I know a lot of people have things a lot worse than I do. I am self-sufficient, my house is paid off, car paid off, but my health sucks. I have been dealing with leukemia for over 10 years and have never been able to get in full remission. I take oral chemo and shots 3x a week. And I am tired. I am sick of taking poison drugs. Sick of being sick to my stomach most of the time. Enough woe is me. I am blessed to have a healthy son and granddaughter. And I am so grateful.
I am going to stop here before this turns into a pity party. I can’t let myself go there. I am grateful for my life.
I am going out for a walk and some fresh air. It is currently 55 degress and overcast. Rain is in the forecast.
I hope you all have a blessed Day.
May 21, 2018 8:47 a.m. cst.