Here.
“I have survived. I am here. Confused, screwed up, but here. So, how can I find my way? Is there a chain saw of the soul, an ax I can take to my memories or fears?” — Speak
“I have survived. I am here. Confused, screwed up, but here. So, how can I find my way? Is there a chain saw of the soul, an ax I can take to my memories or fears?” — Speak
Don't have a membership? Sign up.
If you had a diary on old Open Diary, you must go through the reclaim process before you can log in. Reclaim your diary.
I’ve not found one yet. But most of my memories were locked up tight in my head. I still trigger but without a memory to go with the freakout.
@snarkle the memories kill me. It’ll be anything, a sound, a smell, a song that I heard in the background. Anything. 😩
@itgoeswithoutsaying those are my triggers. Body memory.. touch me just so and I’ll throw up. But I have no active memory, my mind shut it down and locked it far away. I had a flashback in therapy… I screamed and cried (the sound of an infant in agony) for about 5 min. I could not stop and I had no idea what I was doing… why it was happening. Therapist told me it was utterly classic for a survivor of infant rape…. I’m glad I cannot remember.
@snarkle omg, I’m so sorry, I’m glad you’re in therapy and overcoming your struggles little by little. You are truly strong person!
@itgoeswithoutsaying Thank you. I’m stubborn. They tried to get me born 9 weeks early in hopes that I’d die. When I didn’t come early he decided on using me for other things. But now he is dead and I’m not. I win!
@snarkle wow. Yes you win!
@itgoeswithoutsaying my story is so weird. I have had therapists pale as I told what I know about it. My current therapist said “You were tortured” just hearing that was so gratifying. Someone understood! DAMN!
Warning Comment