Here we are.

Insurance. Why is it so expensive and hard to get. I struggled for so long Bc I couldn’t afford it. But whatever, let me not get into that right now. I have insurance now. Really good insurance through my husband’s job. Now, I can make an appt to get the medications I need. I want to feel like myself. Crazy thing is idk who that person is. I don’t think I’ve felt like myself. EVER.

So. I spoke to my husband and I told him, I can’t continue to go to my family’s parties and be miserable. For some many years I sat with someone who molested me. For most of my life, I idolized him. I loved him. And I don’t know why.  Really facing the fact that I was molested and so was my cousin, hit me like a ton of bricks. Some ppl in my family know. His siblings know. And my uncle and his wife know. But in the back of my mind, I almost feel like they don’t believe me.  They still invite him to family parties. They invite him and wait til the last minute to tell me. I mean it happened once, but. Still one time is enough. Everyone is like “my house is open to everyone” like really? Ya have to pick a side. On top of that my uncles son in law was arrested for child porn. (Some years ago) But he hasn’t even told the family yet ! I heard it through someone else and saw it online. So wtf. How am I going to continuously keep going to places where it’s clearly not safe. ESP since I have a kid and there’s multiple kids running around. How the fck am I suppose to be safe around that ! I feel like I’m going crazy. There’s too much secrecy and lies. I just need to just keep my distance. I feel like I need to write a fckin book, Bc this cant be life! This can’t be normal!