18 Years, 2 months, and 4 Days…since he left

Wow – I found the diary I started writing long ago when my youngest son passed in a tragic go-cart accident.  He was 9 years old.  I thought I could write something, but I can’t tonite.  I wonder where all my other entries are;  not all entries have showed up on this diary.

I am amazed how time has flown by and my son would be 27 years old now.  He would be an Uncle with one niece and three nephews from his siblings.  Maybe he would be married with kids.  We will never know what would be so we don’t dwell on that.

I am still here and still miss him.  It seems surreal at times to look at his last school picture. His siblings all served in the military.  One is still serving in the Air Force in SD.  All his siblings are married.  They all miss him, too.

If anyone is reading this and has any questions for me about losing a child.  I would be happy to answer them.  One thing for sure, I would NEVER, EVER wish this loss on even my worse enemy.  I don’t think I have any enemies, but I know this type of loss is hard.  Your heart is shattered forever and you will always wonder why.  I do know that you don’t put a question mark where God has put a period.  I do know that you never forget.  I do know the best thing you can do with a person that has gone through this is to be their friend, even if it means sitting in silence with no words.  Knowing you are there means a lot to them.  I also know that saying, “at least you have other children” minimizes my loss  and is a poor choice of words.  When people ask me how many children I have, I say four (he still counts).

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.

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November 28, 2018


November 29, 2018

My heart breaks for you with this – I’m sure the fact that time has passed has not made it a single bit easier.

November 29, 2018

A friend of mine lost his 18 yr old daughter when she dozed off behind the wheel and struck a tree. He grieves each day as if it were the first. My grandmother’s only son died in 1935 at the age of 23 and she grieved deeply until her death in 1983. Hug. Feel what you feel and make no apologies. Nobody has a right to dictate your grief to you.

November 29, 2018

sending you much love