Loose 50 Lbs With Purina Dog Food

 I really can’t shop at Kroger’s anymore.

Yesterday, I was at my local Kroger buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.   What did she think I had – an elephant?  So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.  I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.  I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pant’s pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.  (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)  Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Kroger won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. We have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends…it will be their laugh for the day!

Have a good day.  

Note:  This story came to me via email.


Log in to write a note
August 3, 2013

Oh wow, I liked this story. Some people will believe anything. Wonder how many will try this new diet? Love,

August 3, 2013

OMG, this is so funny! While reading it, I laughed out loud! However, it is funnier when I picture you doing it.

August 4, 2013

Ask a stupid question and you get a really funny answer! LOL

August 4, 2013

When my kids were little I would buy dog food and milk at the same time. Somebody asked me once and I told them that my kids thought it was the best cereal ever. I wonder if she really thought I fed it to them.

August 4, 2013

My daughter is like that now and she is only fifteen. She will be a nightmare when she retires.

August 11, 2013