[NoJoMo] 10: the rain is gone

Today’s NoJoMo Word: no

I’ve run out of creative ways to tell you that I’ve used the word No in 599 out of 633 entries to date. (well not this date. the date when I searched, which was several days ago).

If you’re confused as to what NoJoMo is, click the icon above. If you’re confused as to why I have a NoJoMo Word, please read [Nojomo]1: a loss for words

I am feeling much, much, MUCH better than I was at the beginning of this week. I think the forces of the weather, my cycle *ahem* and the full moon were combining with the sole purpose in mind of making me an Extreme Hormonal Nutcase™. I am still frustrated with school, and I’m still thinking that I don’t really want to be here, nor do I belong here. But now that I’m able to think more rationally, I can see clearly now, the rain is gone I know that I just have to stick it out and take it one day at a time. I can see all obstacles in my way Once I graduate, I can do anything my little heart desires (which is everything, and nothing).

Right now I’d also like to thank anyone who actually Thought about the question I asked in the previous entry, even if that meant that you couldn’t actually answer it, and told me as much. I’m a little miffed by some of the silly answers I got. If you really knew me, you would know that I can be very silly at times, but I can also be very serious, and when the people around me don’t match my mood, I can get very annoyed very quickly. The question I posed was a serious one, and I didn’t think anything in that entry conveyed silliness. I expected serious answers, even if it was nothing more than “Wow, I really have no idea.” I was rather disappointed.

There are lots of things that you’d know about me if you “really knew me” which brings me to the topic I intended to write about today. Normally this would probably be favorites only, but in honor of NoJoMo, I’m writing everything publicly. Lucky for you. But anyway, one of the things you’d know, if you really knew me is that I would be the happiest person in the world if the greatest thing I accomplished in my life was getting married and having a family.

Something else you’d know, if you really knew me is that I am bisexual. It is not a phase, it is not a curiosity. It is not a ploy to get guys to pay attention to me at parties. I have known there was something “different” about me for a very long time. It probably wasn’t until high school that I learned what it was, or found other people who felt the same way. And it wasn’t until freshman year of college that I admitted to anyone that I felt this way, but it’s always been there.

Now how do these two things relate? Well despite the fact that I knew I was bisexual, I couldn’t get out of my head this idealized version of My Future™, in which no matter what, I was always marrying a man. But recently (as in within the last week), I’m finally able to picture what My Future™ might be like, if I ended up “marrying” another woman (as much as two women can get married *rolling my eyes*). It’s really an amazing feeling that I can’t really describe except in the sense that I feel like I’m rediscovering my sexuality. It’s kind of exciting, and I want to just shout it out, except, technically I’ve already “come out”, so who would I tell? I’m sure you’re wondering *what* exactly brought this about (finally)… and I think that maybe all I was missing was meeting a woman who’d actually made any kind of impact on me. But that’s all I have to say about that for now.