It’s a beautiful new day. Hey-ey-ey.

In the first grade I was made fun of for always having a slight smile on.

At some point I started stopping myself whenever I caught myself.

That was when I started public school. That’s when I first remember feeling sad.

(I am typing on a very comfortable keyboard. It boggles the fingers.)

I don’t hate anyone, but I feel an intense hate for someone, and when there’s nothing else to say I find myself talking shit about them.

Almost like it’s background music to every thought I have, even if the thought aloud is, let’s say, Fiona Apple. The hatred is Country. And I Hate Country.

It sucks!

It clashes!

I must get rid of it!, I thought, and I prayed, and flailed my arms.

I huffed out and fogged the glass on my spectacles.

And then I thought: hey. Since I think of my life like a movie anyway, why not just try and Human Ize The Charac Ter.

So I imagined them crying to themselves while taking pills. I imagined them smiling to their mother.

(Everyone has a mother, right?)

And then I prayed again, actually. For love.

And my chest tingled (which happens more often than you think) and I think I felt love.

I hope I stop talking the shit. (I want to shoot it.)

Lastly, the keyboard isn’t all that great. I’ve had a few mis-types. Along the way. You know.

I forgot to mention I talked to Heather today and it made me sad. Certainly sad.

I love her. So friend-ily. It’s Almost: weird.

I can’t believe it but I think I’m becoming a better person. I’m actually starting to wish for bad things not to happen.

(Sorry; one last tangent; I used to wish for the bad so I could react, now I don’t. It’s the love, it’s the tingle in my chest, and I prayed for it too.)