Penis as syringe.

I don’t know why I’m not enjoying life very much. I seem to do a lot better if I accept my loneliness. I make myself a little sick.

I got back from Bonnaroo a few days ago.

I masturbate like I’m shooting up. It seems right now like I’m not tending to my relationship. I say that like it’s with a person, and it is, he’s just not able to be seen. I saw him once in a vision about 3 years ago.

[Quote from 10/18/2003: I also dont know if I already told you (Ive been lazy about telling you things lately) I had another religious dream the other night and it was amazing. I dont care if you think Im crazy, but I felt the love of God inside of me for the first time, I felt like it was all in my blood.

I believe in the afterlife, and Im sorry if you disagree with me. But I still wont go to church. (And I’m sorry Mom.)

God its a great day.]

I prayed pretty hard at Bonnaroo, the most I’ve ever prayed really, which isn’t much since it was only for 30 minutes. It answered a lot of questions. More than anything I feel like my passion is gone. I’m very sure it’s because I’m not puting as much of myself into it as I was. At least I care that I’m not treating God very well.

Or, at least I recognize it. I’m sure most who believe in some personal God feel like that deep down.

I don’t remember life before knowing God. He really swept me off my feet, and I had nothing to offer Him except my entire person. So what’s going on?

My friend Mike experienced a glimpse into the spiritual plains at Bonnaroo, the dark side. It was very tiny, I hope he remembers it. I know it’s God speaking to his heart, which is awesome. I’ve just publicly proclaimed my love of God and I just feel my mind drifting. And it’s subtle too.

I can either pull myself closer or be like this.