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I feel like I’m desperately looking for love in the wrong directions and now I am starting to hate myself or hate what I am going through inside.  When you wanna go against the current but realize that it might throw you off or drown you, so you decide just go along with it. Although you know, deep inside that you’re not heading to the place you wanted to be.  You’re just playing along. Let it take you wherever it ends.  But then you have to stop and pull yourself together.

I went to an out-of-town trip this weekend, met a guy, made out and then he said he has a girlfriend.  I swear I felt like shit. I tried to contain my emotions because I never liked the words that comes out my mouth when I’m mad.  I mean, why didn’t he just tell me he’s got a girlfriend right away? Well, I wasn’t expecting anything and I’m not the one who easily gets attached.  But one thing I hate most is cheating.  So while I was walking my way back to my hotel, I called a friend and he’s the one who heard all the swearing.  I should have just said it to that jerk, but nah.  I don’t wanna be anywhere close to him.  Ugh!

I’d like to think that meeting these jerks is part of the journey in finding the right one.  But these days, I am only wishing we find each other sooner. I know there’s perfect timing for everything.  And I could still go on waiting.  I don’t know which direction he’s going.  If he’s also fighting the currents or just going along with it.  I just hope that whatever direction we take, those paths will lead us to each other.

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February 25, 2019

I know what it’s like to hate yourself for seeking love in the wrong places, because currently I’m realizing I’m not that valuable – or at least it feels that way.

February 25, 2019

@itsaunicorn at times frustrating too. But it’s part of the journey.

You are valuable even it it feels the other way around.

 

February 25, 2019

Are you in therapy? You have to learn to value yourself before you seek relationship. Otherwise you will keep attracting losers. You have to be happy being by yourself before you are ready to be with someone else.

February 25, 2019

@snarkle hmm, this got me thinking.  I actually am happy being myself and it took me many years to decide that I’m ready to find someone. But turned out not to be that easy. And I’m feeling bad about myself because I’m doing it in a way I shouldn’t be.

February 25, 2019

@justanotherrandomgirl and who controls that? You do. How do you fix it? get some help hon. I was a serial monogamist (married 4 times to 4 abusive cheats). Took me a while to see what I was doing to myself. Sometimes you need a 3rd party to help you sort it all out.  You’ll be fine. Just be gentle with yourself.

February 25, 2019

You’re right–it was wrong of him not to tell you that he’s involved to begin with. I’m sorry you went through this experience.