Grabbyhands Update: 29 going on 12

God, I hate people sometimes, I really do. What a mess today has been.

I’m not usually negative, although the last few entries do carry a certain gloominess about them. It’s just the people I work with and for are so incredibly…moronic? Juvenile? Irrational? Whatever. I’m lucky enough to have found a few good ones (two), but sometimes it’s hard to be grateful in the middle of a shitstorm.

This Grabbyhands situation is such a nightmare. Not the situation itself – that’s over, although I’m certainly not happy about the outcome. It’s the drama on the outskirts, created by 30-something middle-schoolers with nothing better to do.

Back when the situation broke, a coworker of mine – we’ll call her Tania, because that’s her name and I don’t feel in the least obligated to protect her identity – volunteered to me that Mr. Grabbyhands had made inappropriate phone calls and sent her some weird emails. I think now it was a desperate grasp for attention, but at the time I thought her news would be a big help to my case. I told my EEO rep that much when I gave my statement. Later I found out that she told another coworker that if she were called to testify, she’d deny it all because she didn’t want to get involved. In reality she had no say in the matter and had to testify anyway. Not only did she fail to disclose the inappropriate emails, when directly asked if she’d received them, she denied it. Then she had the balls to tell me this the next morning, despite my telling her I didn’t want to hear it. Of course I blew a gasket. She sputtered some lame excuses, then promised to call the rep and amend her statement.

Fast forward a month to last Monday when the verdict of ‘unsubstantiated’ was handed down. I asked the EEO rep if Tania had been in to amend her statement and since her reply was a confused, “What?” I guessed not. Of course she wanted to know what I was talking about and although I was reluctant – I do have to work with the girl, and we’ve been workout partners for two months, so I’m not looking to make my life a living hell – I eventually spilled it. Turns out Tania was courting trouble on two fronts – one, you’re not supposed to talk about these highly confidential cases, not even to others who are involved, and two, she lied in an official government document. That’s a no-no. The rep wanted me to make an official statement, but I opted to let her paraphrase for the record. I’ve seen how unreasonable, childish and vindictive Tania can be, and that’s why I’ve referred to her as a ‘Friendlet’. I don’t trust her. During our conversation at the gym the morning after her testimony, she claimed that she’d seen another witness leave the rep’s office in tears and go directly to a former co-worker’s office, which I found out from the rep was entirely made up. Not to mention completely pointless, except in that ‘fucking with your mind for fun’ kind of way.

This girl is 29 years old. I can hardly believe it myself.

Since the day I got the verdict, other scheduling issues had kept me from our regular morning workouts until today. I’d already heard through the grapevine that she’d been putting out feelers about whether I was mad at her. She even went so far as to claim I was ‘disrespectful’ to her at work, which is a little tricky seeing as I am senior to her, but whatever. This morning I was ready for her inquisition, which started with an incongruous, “So how is your morning going?” at 5:30 AM. I replied, “I don’t know, it just started,” and went back to my crunches. Then she said, “You’re different lately,” to which I replied, “Oh? This is the first I’ve heard of it,” which was met with silence. I was beginning to enjoy her poorly choreographed game of verbal cat and mouse. She backtracked fast, almost tripping over her tongue, “Oh, no, no, no, just to me. I didn’t…not to anyone else. No one said that. I didn’t mean to imply that.” I shrugged and pretended to concentrate on my form, breathing hard and counting reps. Exasperated, she reverted to her usual surliness. “I just meant that you’re weird with me now, that’s all.”

I replied, “Hm.”

“Are you mad at me?”

I made the ‘I don’t know what you’re referring to’ face and shook my head. “Why would I be?”

“I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking.”

“Well, I am annoyed that you never amended your statement before the case – which I lost, by the way – went to legal review.”

“Oh, so it’s my fault?”

I rolled my eyes. Typical. She pretends to want to be your friend until it’s obvious she has to act like a grown up to do it. “I never said that.”

“Well, why didn’t you say anything to me?”

Clearly recalling the conversation we’d had the day after her initial testimony, I gave her a pointed look and said, “I did. And you said you’d fix it. And you didn’t.”

“You should have reminded me. I didn’t know…why didn’t…? You should have said something.”

“Look, you and I both know you didn’t do the right thing, and there’s no telling whether it would have made a difference in the outcome. Either way, it’s too late now to do anything about it. Yes, I’m annoyed, but I’m a big girl and I’ll get over it if you give me the time and space and don’t piss me off any more.”

I think she knew she was licked, because she shut right up.

Unfortunately, the EEO rep picked today to follow up with the Personnel Director, who called Tania into his office for an ass-chewing. She never came back to work, and around noon I got an email from him asking me to come see him. Stomach churning, I stepped into his office at promptly 12:45 and greeted him with a cheerfulness I didn’t feel. He sat me down and explained the action he’d taken, repeating what Tania had told him to make sure it jived with what she’d told me.

I could have predicted it wouldn’t.

She had played dumb with him, pretending to have been confused by the word “inappropriate” during her testimony. At that point, any sympathy I had for her went out the window and I told the PD exactly how she’d planned to withhold that information from the get-go. He agreed she has problems with the truth, but unfortunately her subjectivity defense will hold enough water to swim in. She’ll see some disciplinary action, however, for her inability to keep her trap shut about it.

I’m annoyed by the whole thing, but especially about her inability to just act like a fucking grownup already. I spent the rest of the day dreading tomorrow’s workout, wondering if she’d be grumpier than usual or pretending to be Miss Mary Sunshine, which is worse. Turns out I need not have worried. Twenty minutes ago I got this text message:

Im not going to be able to work out w/you in the mornings anymore

I had to chuckle to myself. If she only knew. Honey, you were so fired anyway.