Chapel of love

I am up early because today, my baby gets married.

 

We are having a huge formal affair in a refurbished historical furniture factory. It’s three floors of elegance and class in a major metropolitan city. Not bad for a redneck.

 

So, in about 15 hours I will be drunk on expensive cocktails. And high, too, lol. 

 

In the meantime, I’m steaming a dress I don’t like.

 

It’s long, to the floor. It has a modest slit up one thigh and barely shows off my chest.

 

It’s solid colored with no curve appeal, no sequins, no corseted back!  And it looks so mature and plain and…NOT me.

 

My two childhood best friends will be there to celebrate with me, like they have been for every milestone in my life. They will both tell me I look fabulous and maybe that will ease the stiff discomfort of a scratchy dress and a heart that feels like life is going too fast as my children grow.

 

I don’t know who I’m kidding. My besties are twins. I’ve known them all my life, and they will rub it in that I’m in a dress that I would have never worn in a million years before today rolled around. Those bitches will be dressed to kill while I look like our 3rd grade teacher in a navy blue chiffon monstrosity. 

One already asked me if I wanted her to bring scissors to cut it off mid thigh for the reception, seriously rubbing it in.

 

But it’s only for one day. And anyone can wear an ugly Amish dress for one day.

 

But then I’m bringing sexy back.

 

It’s going to be a long one, starting at 8:30 a.m with hair and make up and breakfast with Bridezilla, and eventually ending when the food and booze run out or the dj leaves, or both. 

 

But I will spend this day with all the people I love the most, save for the ones dead or missing. And that’s important. I have both my parents still and my besties have both battled breast cancer one year apart that resulted in chemo, baldness and mastectomy for BOTH. But they’re here with me and healthy. And I’m feeling like I dodged a bullet. Or two.

 

So I will wear that ugly dress today and party like a rockstar, because I am alive and kicking and waking up every day with flawed but intact breasts and a forgiving heart. I have a lovely daughter that I could not be more proud of, with a masters degree and a moral compass and the sweetest disposition of all my kids.

 

Today I will forget about what troubles me and watch my daughter marry her best friend and lover, and I will try not to think about the void in my own heart threatening to flip inside out and swallow me whole.

 

I will celebrate the fact that I have enjoyed a life well lived, with good friends and loyal family and the ability to prosper with the two hands God gave me, every single day.

 

My life is not perfect.

 

But I don’t have to look far to find the blessings.

 

Maybe today you should ask yourself…when was the last time you looked for yours?

 

Happy searching, Y’all.