I have become your fleeting thought.

So, let me make sure I have this right…

You’re still awake and texting at 3:00 a.m.

You’re still with Lori.

Vickie is still in your rental.

You did drugs as recently as 2 weeks ago.

So…nothing’s changed.

You’ve ignored me for 2 months now. That’s how you ended our 15 year relationship. I assumed it was because your attempt at rehab was unsuccessful.

You have decided to make contact and I assume it’s because you feel some sort of responsibility for my feelings.

You have not made any attempt to contact me before this, so basically you chose two other women and drugs that will kill you over me. Or, the other scenario is that you just did not want to talk to me all this time.

Now, several months later, you say “Happy Birthday” like I’m some kind of low rate commodity that you send a yearly Christmas card to.

You left me behind so you could go have fun and be with Vickie and then to make Lori happy.  I wasn’t ever going to be a priority. When Lori demanded and cried and threw a tantrum, you caved. Now you’re gonna try to kick a habit living with a person that makes you feel like shit on a daily.

When you chose to shove your final fuck you down my throat, the last thing you said to me was “I love you” but then you dropped off the face of the earth and of all the things you did to me, there was nothing worse.

Now you’re gonna come at me and say Happy Birthday when you basically wrote me out of your life yet again without so much as a backwards glance and if you think I believe you are clean, you’re fucking crazy.

That’s what I’m worthy of after 15 years. A fucking text message. No call, no letter, no you.

Same shit different day, that’s what this sounds like.

You don’t love me or even care about me or you wouldn’t have abandoned me a third time and when you were backed into a corner, you chose to completely vanish. If you “loved” me you would have never entertained the idea. You chose instead to make ME the loss, the price you paid to stay high. Losing either of those two bitches never crossed your mind.

Your wife hates my guts and she blamed me for all your drug use and when she said you could not talk to me, you did what you’ve always done, you capitulated, even though the price you paid was losing me.

Then you disappeared and left me with no answers.

To resume taking up with your skank Lover, no doubt.

If that’s love, I don’t want any part of it. All you are going to do is hurt me some more with your lies and philandering and avoidance.

By the way, on YOUR birthday, I cried all day because I was unable to call.

And I was born on the 26th of June but hey, I’m surprised I even crossed your mind at all, so thanks, even if you were a few days early.

How can you expect me to believe I mean shit to you after a 3 month absence?

Cruel…no answer to any of my texts or emails is cruel and typical and now you’re gonna pop in VIA text! Not even voice to voice. You can’t even face me by telephone. You took the easy way out sending a text message.

Still bullshit and still cowardly behavior, from a man I thought was a fucking Superhero.

Yeah, you left something important behind when you chose to make ME the casualty you paid for your two other women and your new lifestyle.

You don’t care enough about me to even call me and talk to me, but you’ll throw words at me from afar… Nah, you’re right. I AM worth more than the low value you decided to assign me.

And one more thing…

Don’t think I don’t know you are the one that found Vickie her “CERA” money. Her psycho, vile ass wouldn’t know how to do any such thing… but YOU would.

You’re still trying to break my heart but what you fail to realize is that there is nothing left of it.

You left me in a million tiny pieces.

Yup. A million.

Like the confetti left over on the floor from your shit storm of a circus. But you didn’t break me. You made me stronger. And your pathetic excuses of not being worthy ain’t cutting it any more. I loved a proud man. Where did he go?

Bring him back.

And we’ll talk.

Until then, I will let my silence speak for me.

My words had no impact on the outcome you chose.

Which is a good thing.

Cuz I got nothing left to say.