The number you have dialed is not in service.

Vickie called again on Thursday. She called at 12:11 p.m., so I’m gonna assume she called on her lunch hour.


I don’t know what she wants, but I can guess.


She wants reassurance. She wants peace of mind. She wants to know where her lover is REALLY going for the weekend, and she needs to eliminate all the hurtful possibilities she can, so her field of doubt is narrowed down. 


I get all that.


I just don’t get why she thinks it’s ME.


He and his wife are probably going away to celebrate their newfound happiness together and it makes her nervous. She sent a text a few months ago that said Roger had told her he was going away for the weekend with his wife and she wondered if he really was, or if he was with me instead. 


Well… if he WAS with me, that would be a dick move…calling him… right?? Riiiiiight. But that figures, cuz well, she’s a dick. 


She needs to use her brain. She said he has trouble seeing her because his wife won’t let him out of her sight for more than half an hour. So, how would I fit into that schedule when I live 75 miles away? She needs to Math that and ask herself if her biggest concern is really ME. 


He probably IS with his wife, or wherever he says he’s at, but his word will never be enough for her.


They’ve been together for YEARS now, PLURAL, and that man has not so much as said my name in his brain. He wants nothing to do with me. I’m a reminder that his actions actually cause other people pain and he doesn’t really feel comfortable with that.


I honestly do NOT understand why she is fixated on checking with me every time her panic button is tripped over his perceived infidelity. But I do not owe her SHIT, and she needs to quit fucking calling me. I’ve told her a thousand times he doesn’t want me and he doesn’t call me or try to contact me in any way. I think she just gets off on hearing me say it. 


I don’t want to talk to her! All she does is repeat the hurtful things Roger said about me, like he never loved me and he cheated on me the whole time we were together, about how he tried to minimize me, and how he had to make a choice and he chose her and they laughed at me when I called. 


Once, she answered his phone and called me her favorite pet name, “cunt”, as if I did something to HER and not vice versa. She was a vicious bully.


Well, now she can listen to the deafening roar of SILENCE, with no answers and with her mind making up a thousand scenarios in which Roger and I are making love. Now she can feel what it feels like to wonder how deep and far his tentacles of betrayal reach. Now she can wonder if they will rip out her soul and demand it as payment for love.


Fuck you, Bitch. Just like you did me. Go dance with Karma. 


You can call a million times and I will never answer, because you don’t deserve the pure and good part of me, the part I was giving you when you were down, before you tried to insult my intelligence and attempt to manipulate me.


Yeah, I remember when you thought I didn’t deserve to exist and you hated me for no good reason other than I loved him. And I don’t give a fuck what you say, he LOVED me, until you came along with your magic crack pipe and lured him away like the pied Piper of the North Side. 


Oh, that’s right! I forgot! It was HIM that pursued YOU, the damsel in distress on the road, crying in the rain and injured. Vulnerable. Duh, you dumbass, what happens to the wounded hyena on those nature shows?? That’s right, they become part of the food chain in a brutal way.


Ah yes, I remember how it felt to wonder if he was telling the truth but knowing he wasn’t, and I wish YOU had been kind enough to care about me but YOU didn’t, and you don’t care about me now, either.


How does it feel to be ME?!


I know what you’re thinking and feeling and going through, but in my world, MISERY does NOT love company.


Ain’t so funny now, is it?… Nope, now you’re calling me and NOW you want me for an ally.


Now it’s ME that’s laughing.


Cuz you will forever be foreign soil.  


Log in to write a note
May 26, 2024

amen. I would probably answer breathing hard than hang up and never answer again but I’m mean