Challenging Relationships Lesson 3: Your Adversary as Your Personal Trainer

In a world of stories, we expect and invite conflict rather than flee from it.  For this is how the character develops.

The real-life antagonists are just people like us who are wounded and inner child pain.  Do not forget that they are the star of their own story.

Your antagonist can be the person who pushes you to become better, strong and abler.  Reframe your antagonist as a character-development workout and they are your personal trainer.  However, constant pain is a sign that something is amiss.

Answer the following questions in the third person narrative:

  1. Who is the primary antagonist of the current chapter of your story?  What makes this antagonist so challenging for the protagonist?

The primary antagonist is Kate’s boyfriend and partner, Drew.  He is so, so challenging for her because his actions and words trigger Kate over and over again.  Sometimes it is his fault.  And sometimes it is inconsiderate.  But a lot of the time it is Kate’s issue being brought up or re-opened and that hurts.  Also, he has a history of declining to comfort her in her times of distress because he fears being taken advantage of.  She has felt abandoned and unloveable in a weak state.  

  1. What are the antagonist’s redeeming qualities? How do these qualities affect or complicate the protagonist’s thoughts and feelings about the situation, if at all? Explain.

He is loving and gentle and kind.  He is powerful and impressive.  Kate is drawn to his uniqueness and is honored to share his sacredness.  She loves him.  But she also loves the way he loves her.  He feels important, highly important to Kate and she wants to maintain and cultivate the bond and relationship.  But in her love, she wants to cling and hold him to her and not let him be free because that is a risk that means he could fly away forever.  And she’s afraid of the loss of him.  

  1. As the author of your story, suppose you were asked to create the perfect antagonist to help the protagonist stretch beyond her comfort zone into a more evolved version of herself. What would the antagonist be like and what obstacles or challenges might the antagonist present? Does this resemble the antagonist of your story? Explain.

Kate’s antagonist would be a lot like Drew, actually.  This person would love her, which would attach her to him/ them.  But they would also have to be imperfect and hurt her (not physically or intentionally) to drive her to learn and know herself and her preferences better and more firmly.  This person challenges her on things she thought she was sure on.   They anger her.  They disappoint her.  They push her buttons.  But she falls more and more in love with herself and stands firmer after each interaction.  

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