Miracles 30: Changing Inner Dialogue about Finances

In what ways do I believe I lack?

-I believe in some ways that I’ll never get out of debt.  That is just kind of bobs at a certain level.  Sometimes increases, but never really decreases.  I sometimes believe, in my heart, at my core, that I can outsmart it.  That I can out-earn it.  That I WILL get out of debt.  And sometimes I don’t.

Do I not believe I can make money doing what I love?

I stigmatize my thoughts about this.  I want to write a book – a poor freelance writer.  Or it will take too long to make it happen.  How will I successfully market it?  I don’t want it to just sit on desks or be a super nice business card.  I have important things to say!  I want to hold space for people.  I want to connect.  I want to be a “success” story.  Coaching.  Websites.  Blog posts.

In what ways do I express a get mentality rather than a give mentality?

Looking at MY day, MY bank account, MY time.  I never prioritize what I can put out there as goodness, success, or love.  I am always trying to be ok with myself.  I am not thinking about connecting and pulling other people up.

Am I addicted to the high that money brings?  How does that addiction show up in my life?

Sort of, yes.  Or more this flip in my mindset that “I can afford that.”  “I can do that.”  “That’s not outside my budget.”  I am addicted to feeling like my dad must have felt in that he was not limited.  He could “fit in” with whomever.  And I do that too.  I want to fit in.  I want to be included.  I don’t want to be “poor” or left out.

Have I placed external power onto money?  In what ways?

Yes.  It comes to me.  I don’t create it, earn it, drive it.  It’s somehow just “gone”.  I don’t control it.  It is happening to me – it’s not something I drive.  It’s like a herd of sheep that I don’t pay attention to at all.  But really, I should be shepherding my money to go exactly where I need it to go.  But I need it to pay attention to my sheep.

How have my thoughts and actions reinforced my experience of lack?

Credit card usage – I am telling myself that my sheep are out of my control or missing.  Money denial – I am admitting that I don’t know where my sheep have gone off to.  It’s tragic.  They’re missing.  Debt being normal – I make a ton of money and I lament that so much of it goes to paying off my debt.

Kate