Parenting w/ Presence: Pg 47; Pg 87

Pg 47

1. Did your parents provide you with a healthy sense of what it is to be lovingly and clearly in charge?
   1. My father – almost never.  Not that he wasn’t loving.  He was just literally never in charge.  I can’t remember him ever saying something or doing something that we weren’t like, “Ok, cool, but we will double-check with mom.”  My mom – yes, almost always.  When we were older, she had a harder time being stern or upholding a boundary especially in terms of money or financial requests or an item/ outfit we REALLY wanted.  Otherwise, she was firm without being threatening or scary.  We didn’t have a lot of hard rules, but those that we did, we didn’t really try to bend them.  
2. How do you intentionally parent the way your parents did?  How are you doing it differently?
   1. I definitely want to instill the same sense of empowerment and freedom I had.  I also definitely want to be emotionally in tune with or awakened to my kiddos in their distress.   As a kid, I was often told “let me know when you’re done” and was abandoned in my fits.  On the flip side, I wasn’t coddled or babied.  I just really love how my mother gave me so much freedom and I never felt the need to abuse it!  
3. Are there times when you are afraid to set limits with your children?  What fuels your discomfort?
   1. Yes!  I definitely have the thought with Wally where I am like “do I feel strongly enough about this for there to be a fight right now?”  Because I know it is going to be a fight and sometimes I don’t want to do the whole yelling/ screaming/ fit thing.  Exhaustion.  Embarrassment.  Frustration.  Anger.  Indecision.
4. Describe any ideas or beliefs about growing up that might affect your willingness to be the adult in charge with your children?
   1. I have this undertone of sarcasm about my kids and their behavior(s) that comes up to the surface in moments of intensity.  I feel like that’s a rub off of my years with Zach.  
   2. I sometimes resent the loss of self that I experience with them.  The loss of my old self, my old life, everything that I was before them.
5. If you often experience parenting shame or guilt – whose critical voice are you hearing in your head – that of a parent, coach, teacher, or someone else important to your as a child?
   1. I definitely hear my mother – not directly as she never really directly is critical of my parenting.  But I can definitely remember, and she still does it from time to time, hearing her be very disapproving of some parenting styles or actions.
   2. Zach’s voice in a lot of ways.
   3. Christy Callaway’s voice (sometimes and in some ways through my previous relationship with Zach)

Pg 87

Qualities I want to encourage in my children:

-Honesty, kindness, gentle strength, self-assertion, levity, and laughter, self-awareness, gratitude, joy, love

What qualities would I say I embody or model:

-self-awareness, patience, gratitude, joy, love, quiet calmness

What qualities would I like to develop in myself whilst encouraging their growth in my children:

-patience, honesty, gentle strength, laughter, love