A whole new world

It’s weird not speaking to my daughter all day.

She and I had a very tense email exchange, she sent me a long list of reasons why she didn’t call me when she got engaged and I essentially let her have it response

She replied back and said her guy is so disrespected that he never wants to see me again nor does he want to go to family functions. Considering how he disrespected me, one might think that the truth hurts?

I’ve let it go, the part about her not actually calling me

I am hurt, confused. It’s tough not talking with her constantly, having her tag me in things online, texting throughout the day

She chose him

Regardless of how I think and feel, I love and support her. At some point in all of this, she’ll realize what others do, that she’s making a huge mistake

What’s telling for me, is in both of these emails, she blamed me for not calling. That knowing how I felt about him, she thought I would ruin her excitement by saying something negative

That and our mother/daughter trust has been broken, over and over, because every word out of my mouth about her man, gets back to him. In my email to her, I let him have, and invited him to read it.  About how he is constantly on his phone, about how distracting he is while having a conversation, about how he lied. None of that seems to matter to her, or them. I am still at fault

Tough to know where we go from here. I have my own stuff to work through, even before all of this, so this definitely didn’t help all the work I have been trying to do on myself

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February 25, 2020

She probably didn’t want to tell you because what you say matters to her. She might be making a mistake with him, but she has to work that out for herself. Every bad decision I ever made with a guy, my mom sat by and watched as I worked it out and was there for me when it inevitably did. She got some “I told you so’s” in there after, but I let her have them. It’s hard to let go, but sometimes you have to in order for the relationship to work. You’ll be get over it but it’ll take time to wade through.

February 25, 2020

@shambala I hear that, I really do. And she’s said in her emails that she was sorry for messing up the whole situation, but ultimately, she was truly worried I would say something to take away from her day, which I wouldn’t have, honestly. And I hear that it’s her life, her relationship, and that myself and our mutual friends can just sit back and wait

February 25, 2020

Sometimes there are situations where you can either be right or you can be happy…this seems like this might be one of those situations. I know in my situation, I didn’t tell my parents abt my engagement bc they wanted to be right that it would fail.  While I was married, I didn’t see them very much. B/c I was married to someone they didn’t accept, I took that to mean that they didn’t accept me either–bc their dismissal of him was interpreted by me as a lack of their trust in my ability to navigate my own life successfully. I know your situation is different and I don’t have all the info…. I’m just sharing my experience for what little it’s worth. But it would have been a lot better for my relationship with my parents if they had just been supportive of me….regardless of their feelings of the partner I chose. Their judgment of him was a judgment on me. That may be how it’s being perceived by your daughter. I don’t know. If the relationship between you and your daughter is strong, you’ll get through it in time…..and hopefully soon!

February 25, 2020

@thecriticsdarling I am so sorry that you went through that with your parents. I had a similar situation with my own mother, suffice it to say I did not want to go through that with my own. We were best friends, super close and did just about everything together. I hear it when people remind me that it’s her life, her relationship. Its just hard for me to sit there and listen to all the negative things she says about him, and then be told it’s my fault that she didn’t call me. I asked her how she wants to proceed, if she wants me to be honest or nice, but at the end of the day, I love and support her.  All of us in her life are here to support her, regardless of what path she chooses

February 25, 2020

@kattster Parenting is so effing hard! She’ll come around.