I’m over here working

I’ve been a bit off the last few days. Can’t put my finger on it. Not sure if it’s car related, or if I am just feeling some kind of way for whatever reason

If I unpack it all, from the outside looking in, things are really great (car crap excluded, but even that’s not a big negative either)

I love my job, I really enjoy what I do and I don’t mind the herculean effort it takes to get here (I would have ridden my bike today but yet another flat)

I sit at home at night after I cook dinner, watch tv and knit.  Nothing is wrong there either, except that I would love to a) not live on the second floor, b) not live in a condo and c) be able to live on my own. But as I get ready for bed every night, say my thank you’s and curl up with my pup and girl cat Mocha, I am always filled with a sense of deep gratitude and comfort

So for all intents and purposes, I should be happy, but instead I am still experiencing some deep ‘get off my lawn’ type attitudes and don’t get me started about my thoughts on some of the nutbars I work with.  I do know that no one will ever live up to the expectations I put on myself, that I need to really lower my expectations with most people here (they do the bare minimum, if that, whereas I am doing the work of 3 people, gladly)

I do know that I am not going to let all of this incredible generosity that I have experienced with my car go without actually doing something about it.  I am so filled with such gratitude that once I get it back, I vowed to myself that I was going to get out of the house, do all the things that I have said I have wanted to do, but haven’t and just live to the fullest. One would think someone that is a cancer survivor would already live like that, and to some extent I do already.  It’s just the old, I am home I don’t want to go out now, I might as well just knit sort of deal that I am not going to fall into anymore.  Mind you I love knitting but it’s not going to be the reason I don’t live my life, embrace the freedom and mobility that I took for granted

I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on what’s going on with me.  Maybe I should just not worry about it, and just push it aside and focus on more important things.  Like expense reports and why my bike wheel keeps throwing flats