crippled

crushed and bleeding…

my father in law could not deal with the death of his first born and ended his life Monday…

my own father is in a coma until he dies…

i struggle to breathe most days…

out of character and to bee as blunt as possible, i feel so very sick and alone these last handful of days. its like god has wiped his hand over my world and washed it clean. I ask him and myself every day, what it is that i did to offend him so badly that half of my world would be taken from me. i know that god does not allow bad things to happen, but when they do, he stands behind us and waits for us to ask him to push us forward when we can no longer do it ourselves. i live in pain every day. i medicate to get to sleep and hope beyond hope that one day i will wake up free from this dream and everything will be okay. that this whole mess was a lie of my mind and that i am not ALONE  in this nightmare of a world.
Please god forgive me and let me have my love again.