these eyes

if i had one perfect wish, it would be that i were blind…

my eyes have seen so too many things to recount them all and they are tired.

i have seen people come and go. Real people of consequence, people who matter and those who have been thrown by the wayside far too imperfect to matter at all…

i have seen the sun rise red over the oceans to our left and to our right and i have watched it set goldenrod over fields of barley in summers warm, lovers like embrace…

i have watched the moon shine silver over a deep deep sea under purple skies as my son slept in my arms on the fore deck of my home…

i have seen what happens when a Disney tour bus makes contact with a Vega and how in one terrible moment in the heart of paradise everything i have ever loved was transformed into nothing more than a memory…

i’ve watched as my fathers abusive nature was handed down to me and how that legacy turned my marriage into a sham of adultery and sin…

i watched in horror as my efforts to erase the stain of my imperfect soul drove her to so many other men looking for something i can never give…

decades pass before my eyes as cancer ate her alive and my only thoughts were of leaving her and making a new start for myself, knowing full well just how selfish and petty i was for doing so…

i have seen so many things…

i lay on the floor of the vets office and watched as the only source of pure joy and love passed into yesterday, weeping like a child as i begged him to forgive me and pleading for him not to go as the light of the world dimmed and chilled the marrow of my bones…

my eyes are tired now, they need glasses to see the world in any kind of clarity and still my wish is to let them fade and die so that i may no longer see that which is coming, the inevitable march to the grave we all must face…

wishes dont come true, they are the last ditch efforts of little minds that have no will to live in this world…

i have seen all that i care to see, witnessed an over scoring of intolerance pain death and taxes…

watched in complacence as the earth hurdles forward all the sickness and disease, torture and misfortune, ignorance in bliss as we make superstars of the bungled and botched as we homogenize the great with the feeble…

and i do not want so see it anymore…