twilight time

In the dark hours of the night as most sleep, safe in their repose, I set alone in the velvet blanket listening to the chorus of night whispers singing their nearly inaudible refrain. It is here that I am allowed the release of so many years.

The denizens of loneliness and their mistress’s shame, pain and sorrow crawl across my skin disguised as a chill nights wind. I am not repulsed by their caress, nor am I enraptured. I am simply here with them, old friends passing in the night.

It is their unspoken words and the love in their touch that makes me shiver. Their message as immortal as time itself; “we can and have broken you.” They are not wrong.

Here, in the dark, for those of us with eyes to see is there truth. For those of us with ears to hear are the unassailable facts of choice and free will. You see if left to our own devices, we will make the wrong choice in the dark. I am no different. I have made a great many ill advised decisions and have paid in dearest blood the cost for my folly.

I look to the east and see the slight grey harbinger of mornings light, salvation from the filth that swathes my visage, for in the naked light of day there can be no true darkness. It offends me this brightness, this ode to life. Why should there be a prison for the reality of humanity? What great green mask can put out of sight the horrific beauty of one’s inner soul? And why should there be such a thing to begin with?

In youth or in faulty chemistry of the mind we have each done our part to contribute to the darkness. We have each stolen away in its disguise bits of degradation and ignominy, vaulted away our adultery, our lethargy, our drunken debauchery only to have that rising from the east conceal and entrap the truest faces we hide from each other and ourselves.

From an electric grey dancing with brilliant orange and day glow velvet, finally to shades of blue so vibrant it is nearly liquid, the shrieks and moaning of our inner selves are hushed by warm breezes and the bustle of those far to introverted to notice or even care that they are all living lies. Living testament to a thought forced upon them at the very dawn of understanding.

I recoil from this social disorder, into my home still cool and dark and safe from the light. It is now that I must rest. Now that I must follow my inner being to its crucible for its time to wait for the sky to darken and once again leap into the black and work my will, as humans are doomed to do.

Before I lay me down to sleep, I get into the shower and disinfect my body of all the leftovers of what I have done in the dark. Dirt and blood, gore mixed with sweat mingle at the drain and finally disappear to who knows where as the final chorus of bleating lambs fades from my ears. I am finally at rest.

Now I lay me down to sleep and as the smoke from my cigarette mingles with a single beam of dawns light I can see the river of ether that surrounds us, binds us, and makes us safe in the night. I smile to think that this image is the metaphor that makes society what it is; the illusion that we are all in control. We all have a destiny, bad things happen to good people for a reason, and the less fortunate must suffer for the sins they make and the sins passed down to them from evil parents.

One small chuckle, as I lay in my tomb waiting for the night. I fear no good, I fear no evil, for I understand that in a world such as this I and I alone am the alpha and omega. I am the bogeyman, I am the demon who posses you, I am the one that god released upon the holy mist of Passover, I am eternal and I am death.

Remember me in your slumber and remember my words, for I am truly human and I am outside your door…