Odd our fears…


Well I’m not sure how to do this, so let me try to lay it out chronologically…

My friend at work(probably the best friend I have at this point, though I wouldn’t say we are close) has been sick for quite a while.

She came in this morning and I asked if she had found out anything at the Dr. visit she had Friday.

She replied that she had a bunch of stuff and was just going to say it once at the morning meeting to not have to keep repeating it.  

No problem.

So…  She says some stuff about Dr. visits and what not and being at work and then says they also found a mass in her chest.  I’m not looking at her as I’m generally not really a part of these morning meetings even though I sit right next to where they have them, but it is obvious that she’s starting to cry while she says that they told her it’s not time to worry yet and she says she’s just trying not to freak out.

So before I say otherwise, let me confirm that yes, my first and foremost feeling right then and now is to jump over and hug her or otherwise try to comfort her.  Nicely I noticed Angie who was sitting next to her at least put a hand on her shoulder.

Now, my friend is generally a pretty strong individual and this is the first time I’ve seen her cry that I recall.

Emotional side is still just screaming out to comfort her somehow.

Though she did recover pretty quickly within a minute or so.


Now, my logical side on the other hand has 2 thoughts at the moment…

#1…  Yeah, it wouldn’t be a huge surprise…  She doesn’t eat much of anything and what she does eat is generally of the fast food or otherwise "not good for you" side of things.  And she doesn’t like fruit, doesn’t drink water…  Not sure if she eats any veggies…

From what I can tell there seems to be the conception that "cancer just happens" and "there’s nothing you can do about it" and to a degree, I agree.  I certainly wouldn’t guarantee that I won’t get it, or that I could cure it.  I’m not insane.  However, there has been a lot of research about switching to something like a fruit and veggie diet seeming to cure it…  But even so, most people just aren’t willing to do such a thing.  They may be scared to death of cancer, but they’re not going to give up their big macs, curly fries, potato chips and whatever else to try to fix it.  And I can understand that.  My biggest problem with my weight is because I don’t feel good emotionally and food feels better.  It’s very difficult to get to that logical side and tell it that IT has control when my emotional side says it’s not happy so go eat something.  Then again, I also don’t really have any health issues with my weight gain, so I’m pretty sure I’d be able to commit better if I knew I had a real reason.


#2… The other part which seems to be extremely odd from what I see of a lot of others…  Is that cancer doesn’t really scare me…  Especially so if I had no reason to know that I had it yet…  Now, don’t get me wrong, A long slide of health and all the junk of chemo and radiation and those effects really don’t look like good things to go through and I feel bad for those people I’ve seen go through some of it.  

But I guess I just view it as just something that could happen and if it does, I’ll just deal with it as best I can.

And don’t get me wrong, I can see there being a difference in actually hearing that news and huge increase of likelihood or confirmation that you have cancer and then I’d be ever more evaluating my life but I think mainly where I would be concerned of my family, but I wouldn’t be that worried about dying really(as in, I wouldn’t see it as that bad of a thing to be dead).  But now…  Well…  There’s my daughter.  Those thoughts have already crossed my mind periodically of how previously I wasn’t really worried if I might die, but now I can’t do that…  Though at least with cancer I’d have a bit more time to try to make plans as good as possible.  But it would be very difficult for wife and daughter were I not to be here anymore.  So that’s not so much an option anymore, we need to make sure the 3 of us stay in the picture!  Oh, let’s not even think of that.


Anyway.  Just wanted to get that out…  Emotions are bopping around a bit.

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October 16, 2012

Cancer scares me to death because I watched my mother suffer with it for 22 years. I so do not want to go through what she went through. And also don’t think that it will give you a long time to say goodbye. Our friend in CA was 17. He was in super good shape, played varsity soccer and so on. He got sick on Tuesday, went to the dr on Thursday, and was dead on Sunday. A Mom on my clothing boards was super health conscious, ate all the right things, super healthy, and got cancer and was dead in the matter of months leaving behind two small children under 4. I think she was in her late 20’s. That is what super scares me, is leaving Eliana when she is so small.

October 16, 2012
October 16, 2012

Emotions do tend to bop, where cancer is concerned, don’t they? I think I’d be pretty scared, if I were in your coworker’s position; breast cancer is a special kind of socially ingrained terror for us ladies.

October 19, 2012

As someone who has been told they have cancer it really sucks. I was deathly afraid of cancer from the jump but nothing matches the terror of being told you have it. That said, after the initial shock you get busy living or get busy dying hard core and there isn’t much ought given to how you feel.