BPD

I feel as though I may have Borderline Personality Disorder, but I do not how to bring this up to my mother nor my father and I tried contacting my therapist about it but she has yet to answer and it has been weeks.

I need a new therapist because this is the only other way that I let out my emotions. Day by day I go from being so suicidal that I am making plans to being confused as to why I’d ever even consider killing myself.  These suicidal episodes can last from just a couple days to weeks at a time and it is worrying me because I have gotten so close to actually doing it.  By the time I had planned to go through with it passed I was no longer in that worryingly suicidal episode.  I still didn’t really want to be here but it was more of a “I wish I was never born” and somewhat empty feeling rather than “I’m going to kill myself after the holidays” and have a very specific plan.  Sometimes it gets to the point where I am researching different ways to off myself.

Anyways, I have no clue how to go about this situation as I am worried my parents will think I am being over dramatic or something of the sort.  I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, I feel as though this is something a little more than that.  I have impulsive tendencies, have chronic feelings of emptiness or feel a disconnect or (far) from my emotions, irritability, self-destructive behaviors, guilt, loneliness (which is why I am constantly seeking for a romantic relationship), anxiety (although lately I’ve had less than in the past but still have an abnormal amount I’d say), distorted self image, in a constant fear of being abandoned and I will go so far so spam the person trying to spend as much time as possible with them ignoring everyone else just to not get abandoned by them, and more.  All these are symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I have also taken online tests which I know aren’t all accurate but I took 6 separate tests and I all got results saying that I likely have BPD.  Like I previously stated I don’t know how to go about this situation since I’m already having difficulty to getting diagnosed officially with ADHD although I am medicated for it.  I have not had contact with my psychiatrist or therapist in months and doubt I am going to have any for a while.