Wow, such a long time since I’ve been here and now more than ever do I need it.
My head is all over the place like normal and it seems like nothing has changed. I went back and read my old diary and really not much at all has change.
I still have the same old guy issues and back issues only now I’m so much older
I have no idea what I want to put in here but most likely it will be my thoughts and feeling where I need to come to vent and just get out what’s on my mind. We are going though a crazy times atm and it is really worrying me.
I am also trying to start a thing with a guy but bloody Covid-19 stopped that and tonight he lied to me and now I’m all confused. We are in no way exclusive and I have no right to tell him what he can and can’t do but when you are chatting with someone and you tell them you are tired and your going to bed but then spend the next 2 hours on line (stupid apps showing you they are online) I didn’t say anything to him are I don’t want to seem like a crazy person but tonight it has made me very angry and I can’t seem to calm down. Maybe I should just send him a message and let it all out but I know if I did that he wouldn’t speak to me again and I really don’t want that. But I also don’t want to be going into anything when I know I have been lied to. There also could be a reason behind it. Why do I have to have such an over active imagination drives me crazy. I get myself all worked up and then destroy what ever maybe going to happen its the same pattern I do every time. I haven’t learnt from past mistakes in any way shape or form. I not going to say Im not going to do that anymore cause lets be real I am just wish I could stop and just go with the flow. Tonight I just need to get it out what I am feeling so I can not say anything bad to him and I can have a good night sleep. I know in the morning I would feel so bad if I say anything in the heat of the moment and have to be really careful not to start something. But really if you didn’t want to talk anymore just be honest that’s all I ask for. People want you to trust them but trust is built and tonight he did a lot to not help trust him and maybe see that he might not be the one for me. My only thing now is do I confront him about it or do I let it go
I will explain more about him and me and how Covid-19 has kinda messed us up another time Just needed to get this all out tonight
Sleep well lovlies,
Leave a message if you stop by I would love to chat to people