Getting up

The ways I tried to show you how much I’d changed, it wasn’t a show or an act. It was real. I realised my faults and I actually changed. No matter how toxic we were I still loved you. I think I will always love you no matter what I say or how angry I am. But once again I hit rock bottom. You would think after all the times iv been here it would get easier. It doesn’t, it gets harder. Everytime I stand up from getting knocked down its with a new cut or a new bruise. There wasn’t much of me to pick up this time but I still got up and tried to be seen. These bruises and cuts will heal but scars will remain. Scars that tell a story and teach a lesson. I figured I’d learnt how to control my emotions better and how to control my insecurities. I let myself slip and it took over. The constant space after 6 weeks of space I just couldn’t take anymore. Why should I keep bleeding when im told space is the answer. I wanted to be seen like I saw her. I wanted to be loved like I loved her. Detaching seems like the healthiest option now. Not for us but for me. I was on the right path a just fell off it for a moment. New goal is to set myself back on that path and take back my power, my dignity, my emotions and focus them on something that matters to me, something productive, something for the future, a legacy. Something my kids can look up at me and say they are glad I chose to hang in there an become the man, the father they are proud of. The world is a toxic place and it can take over sometimes, you don’t need to ignore the bad but you don’t need to react to it. Let it overcome you. It’s not about how you fall down, it’s about how you stand up.