One foot after the other

Well last night I felt some sort of relief like that chapter of my life was closed… went to bed and couldn’t sleep.. the thinking started. Why did I just sabotage something I was working so fucking hard to fix so fucking hard on myself. Got a few hours sleep in and dragged my ass to work. No matter what I try to tell myself about this girl that’s hurt me so many fucking times I still love her I can’t shake the feeling I get when I see her. We talked a little… mainly about my mental state after fucking it up so hard on the weekend. Towards the end of the day I pulled myself together and realised I have the strength now, I remember what I’d been learning and teaching myself. I’m fucking amazing and someone out there will love me for me. They will listen to my concerns my worries, my plans for the future, my dreams and they will support me.. I deserve the best and I guess even though I love this girl with all my heart and soul she isnt right for me.. I tore myself to pieces standing by her and fighting for her. It almost killed me.. literally… but im still standing at the other side of this with more self worth and more pride. Iv learnt so much about myself and even though she can’t see it someone will. I hope by the time she realises I will be strong enough to say no I deserve better. I won’t forget what we shared nicole.. as she put it it was “great”. We both know  and have said its the strongest love we have ever felt for another person. That’s why this process has been so hard…. anyway like I said I will always love her just not the version she became. Onto bigger and better things! Goodnight all