16. Staying consistent with positives

Today’s “positive”…. Good deeds. I actually feel good about some good deeds I’ve done for people anonymously. There’s a couple dynamics to that. It feels good to do things for people, and it also feels good that I don’t go bragging about it it’s creation. Even though it kind of feels good to also brag about it a little too, so on one hand I’m tempted to list some of my favorites, But on the other hand once I speak of them, they cease to be anonymous be humble about them Which takes that element away from me and something that I can be proud of. Maybe I’ll tell a friend so it seems less braggy, But for now kind of think it’s cool I’ve done without them knowing and we’ll never know not to talk about it.

My short-term goal for today is to go to bed at a reasonable hour.

Edit: okay here’s one good deed I CAN talk about because it wasn’t really anonymous. My brother has this friend whose son passed away unexpectedly about two years ago. I never met this kid, so I have no idea why his death hit me so hard. Like, I sobbed about it. I felt like I was grieving about it for some reason. Maybe it was sympathy I’m not sure, but I know that it fucked my shit up for a little bit. So this past March was his 21st birthday, birthday and his parents, my brothers friends, had requested everybody go out and have a drink for him. I was on a diet and fasting so I wasn’t going to drink but instead I donated $121 to a charity organization that would’ve meant a lot to him (The Trevor project- It’s an organization that helps LGBTQ teens) in his name, and gifted it to his parents. I didn’t really tell anybody else about it besides them at the time and I asked when they post it on Facebook if they could take my name off of it, so she reposted it with my name scratched out. I think I’ve only told like one other person about it. So that’s one I can talk about. I will leave the rest anonymous I guess.