19. Past few days


yesterday… my positive was that despite having an awful day, I did what I needed to do and got through it. Also “gave up” on a lot, in the interest of self preservation and protecting myself. Then some insight was given to me by a certain person and I bounced back.

my goal was to make dinner and do the dishes in the same night lol (don’t judge me)

 

I made dinner. Did not do the dishes. (I said don’t judge me!! Lol)

today, I woke up covered in hives again at like 4am. Had to take benedryl at 4am, making me so groggy and exhausted (also coupled with about 4 hours of sleep- tops) so I was so tired all day.
but my positive today is that I stopped myself from negative thinking right at the height of my negative thoughts, which is/was REALLY hard to do. Also consciously stopped myself from TWO acts of self sabotage. I felt good about that. Really enjoying my new job, my new coworkers, and even the drive to/from the place is nice (it’s over an hour away but it’s near my favorite beach, which just knowing that is kinda cool, even though this location is temporary and I’ll be at a closer location in a week or two)

 

my goal today was make dinner and fo the dishes- again. But I barely made dinner (frozen pizza free!!! Hey, I was tired) and that made no new dishes but I did clean a bunch.
And to go to sleep early. It being 11:30 now, I should get to sleep.

I already have my goal in mind for tomorrow- LAUNDRY.

Also, I have some other goals in mind but it’s more of a long term/ongoing thing, and it’s to step outside of my comfort zone more often, to do things I’m afraid to do, or that makes me nervous. Little things- like saying things I’d otherwise be afraid to say….. or big things- like skydiving (I’ve had an itch to do that lately. Might start smaller though. Like zip lining or parasailing. Just to be reasonable)

my other one is to meditate more often. Let me tell you if you’ve never meditated before, you absolutely should try. If you can successfully make your brain shut the fuck up for just a few minutes a day, it’s so peaceful. It takes practice, so don’t be discouraged if you can’t the first few times and even a bunch of times after that. But mannnn is it peaceful if you can do it. There’s a lot of noise in my head ALL the time, so getting just a few minutes of absolute silence in there every so often is really refreshing.

 

 

 

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