SCREW U AND THE HORSE U RODE IN ON!

 SO I HAVE AN APOINTMENT TODAY WITH A PHSYCOLOGIST (SP?)  AND MY HUSBAND ASKED ME IF I WAS GOING OR NOT.. AND I SAID I DONT REALLY THINK I NEED TO..   HE’S ALL LIKE.. I THINK YOU DO!   I SAID OH REALLY WHAT EXACTLY IS IT ABOUT ME THAT WOULD MAKE YOU ASSUME THAT I WOULD NEED TO GO TO THIS PERSON AND GET HELP.. HES LIKE I DONT KNOW.. I TOLD HIM THAT IF I NEEDED TO SEE THEM THEN SO DID HE BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN THREW THE SAME EXACT SITUATIONS THAT I HAVE.  HE TOLD ME THAT HE DOESNT BECAUSE HE HAS A DIFFERENT PHSYCHE THAN I AND HE IS FINE.    NO DEAR HUSBAND I DONT THINK YOU ARE FINE BUT ITS OKAY I UNDERSTAND THAT CLAIMING I HAVE ALL THESE PHANTOM EMOUTIONS AND DEPRESSIONS, DIFERS THE ATTENTION FROM YOU.

AND HIS MOTHER.. KEEPS RECOMMENDING THAT I TAKE ALL THESE HERBAL SUPPLEMENTS THAT ARE GOING TO SUPPOSIVLY MAKE MY LIFE ULTRA AMAZING AND FRANKLY IM JUST PISSED OFF THAT THEY FEEL THE NEED TO DIAGNOSE MY EVERY MOVE.. THIS IS WHAT CAUSED THE PROBLEM LAST TIME.  AND SHE HAS TO JUMP MY SHIT EVERYTIME I TRY TO CORRECT MY KIDS WHEN THEY ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.. THEY ARE MY KIDS.. IM THE PARENT.. I DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY THAN HER..SHE THINKS THAT CODDLING THEM THREW LIFE IS THE BEST METHODE FOR THEM.. TIS WHY HER 3 KIDS ALL HAVE ISSUES  HER OTHER SON IS ADDICTED TO PAIN KILLERS  MY HUSBAND IS AN ASSHOLE AND HER DAUGHTER WOULD RATHER HAVE A NEW BF EVERY WEEK THAN DEAL WITH HER KIDS.. SO YOU KNOW LET ME RAISE MY KIDS HOW I WANT TO RAISE THEM

IM SUCH A MANIC DEPRESSANT WHEN I WAKE UP EVERYDAY SO THANKFUL THAT IM ALIVE AND I GET TO SHARE ANOTHER DAY WITH MY WONDERFUL KIDS. NO IM NOT DEPRESSED  IM ANGRY AND IM ALOUD TO BE.  ME AND THE MAN UP STAIRS ARE NOT ON SPEAKING TERMS BECAUSE I CANT FATHOME THE IDEA OF WHY HE DECIDED THAT I NEEDED TO GET PREGNANT TWICE AND THEN GIVE BIRTH TO TWO BEAUTIFUL BABIES AND THEN TURN AROUND AND LOOSE THEM AND THEN YET SUFFER AN ONGOING BATTLE OF EMOUTIONS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.  AND IM SUPPOSE TO RUN TO CHURCH AND THANK HIM FOR EVERYTHING?  YEAH THATS ON THE TOP OF MY TO DO LIST!

IM DEALING WITH WHAT I NEED TO DEAL WITH THE WAY I NEED TO DEAL WITH IT AND I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY EMOUTIONS.  WHEN I FEEL LIKE THINGS ARE GETTING TO TUFF TO HANDLE.. GUESS WHAT I WILL DECIDE THAT I  NEED TO GET HELP.   YA KNOW MAYBE I WOULDNT BE SO STRESSED OUT IF MY DAMN HUSBAND WOULD HELP AROUND THE HOUSE OR STEP UP AND BE A HUSBAND.. (JUST AN IDEA)  MAYBE HIS MOM SHOULD FIND AN HERBAL SUPPLEMENT FOR THAT?      IM THIS PERSON WITH SO MANY ISSUES BUT I AM GETTING STRAIGHT A’S IN SCHOOL AND MANAGE TO DO EVERYTHING AND WORK THE WEEKENDS.

I JUST WISH MORE AND MORE EVERYDAY THAT I WAS WITH SOMEONE WHO TRULY UNDERSTANDS ME AND IS MORE LIKE MY OTHER HALF INSTEAD OF SOME DICK WHO WANTS TO CONTROL THE WORLD

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October 29, 2010

things will get better, and eventually, I think you two will somewhat see eye to eye with the situation. Ben and I still don’t, which he would never talk about it at first, or talk to anyone about it. we fought, a lot, because you just can’t control anything else but that..he still don’t talk a lot about it, limited doses of conversation..but we can understand each others differences…

October 29, 2010

*won’t not don’t..we can see when it crosses a line that the other person can’t handle, and we back off. guys hold things in, we don’t. that makes it nearly impossible to get through together. a lot of this has to be on your own, working through your emotions, before trying to work through emotions together.Ben was bossy and mean, because he had to try to control something, but it wasn’t that..

October 29, 2010

he hated me, or he didn’t care, it was the only way he knew how to act to get our lives back in order. Not saying it’s right, but guys handle things as poorly, or worse, than we do..i know patience is the last thing on your mind right now, but try. even if you have to overlook a lot until you get your head together..i’m sure you’ve heard enough advice from everyone else, i’ll stop now..

October 29, 2010

I’m just telling you all of this because I hated a lot of people, and disliked Ben for a time because I couldn’t make sense of anyone’s motives or reasons for saying what they did. Some I still don’t, but a lot of it is hindsight, you see later what was really happening and why..it’s just hard to get to the point where it starts making sense.

October 29, 2010

and yes, you are allowed to be angry. people trying to shove medications or herbal remedies at you isn’t going to speed up the process, at least, not in a way that is helpful. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to mention that to your in laws, time is the only thing that can really help you, that and embracing the grieve in stages process. therapy can only do so much as you just aren’t ready to move on..