I could dwell on the drama that pursued today compliments of another of Cruella’s attempts to get him back. Or how rough it was today not talking to him through out the day like usual since we were trying to figure out what we wanted to do with texting and such. Or the drama that is going on with my sons school. Or a plethora of other things. But…I won’t. Why? Because while I *know* that I vent a lot here, I want to show that there’s also beauty in the breakdown. I want to take the time to focus on the good and wonderful things. So that is exactly what I am going to do!
Tonight Joe and I spent some quality time together…over 4 hours of it actually. And while we did vent about our days, we do what we normally do and we just focused on each other after and everything else fell into place. I shared something embarrassing with him that he didn’t know and something normal as well…finding things that he doesn’t know are very hard and vice versa but I found out something about him that I didn’t know(or probably that I didn’t remember from when we were kids). We talked about birth control and that the possibility of having a baby together is on the table. I made him cry by telling him of all the people in the world I would have always chosen him to have a baby with and still would…he said that is the best thing someone has ever said to him…I was only being honest and sharing something I have thought about for a couple of months now. We said “I love you” to each other over a dozen times. I played the song below, Perfect by Ed Sheeran ft Beyonce, for him because it very much describes us. We laughed, joked and teased like we normally do. Tonight is the first night in several weeks that I have felt really connected to him…not in a “hours spent together” way but in our usual intimate, love each other to the moon and back way. I desperately needed it. I needed to feel like myself again, needed to feel whole and like I wasn’t drowning in the fear and whatever else was weighing me down. Tonight we were purely ourselves and reminded each other what we are all about and what we need to focus on. And tomorrow is promised to me, likewise to him. Neither of us will be engaging in any drama from anyone, no matter what. We are going to get through our typical day and then spend a wonderful evening together sharing our gifts to each other and hopefully sitting down and having dinner together…as cheesy as that may sound, it’s something I very much want!
I am blessed, even though I don’t say it every day I still feel it every day and I know that I should etch it here in memory more. I definitely let Joe know every day because I refuse to waste another day not telling him those things. The world is definitely at our fingertips now and I can’t wait to be able to full grasp it. One day…soon…one day!